When did it happen? I finally know how Austin Powers felt when he lost his mojo. I say, forget about the tree falling in the woods; here's a deep philosophical question for you: "If every girl in the world thinks that you're a girl, does that make you a girl?" Let's do a quick recap of the events of this month:
-While walking across the gym at school, I almost accidentaly walked into the ladies' change room with a friend. Neither the employees at the desk, the girl i was walking with, nor the complete stranger that was CHANGING was bothered by this. Why?... Cuz i'm just another girl.
-Countless times this month have I been asked, "So, do you know any cute guys?" Ockham's razor suggests that the simplest solution is the best solution. So why is it that these girls don't say, "hey wait a second, i'm talking to Jam!"...Cuz i'm just another girl.
-A few times I have been asked, "Oh Jam, why don't you have a girlfriend?" At the time I had no answer, but at last I know the secret!!! It's....cuz i'm just another girl.
So I grew the facial hair out a bit to restore my appearance of masculinity. I figured at the very least I would be seen as an ugly girl, and then the girls wouldn't want me in their group. But I forgot about the code among hot girls. In every group of hot girls, there's that 1 ugly chick. You know the one that's really funny and nice to get to know, but can't get no action? And you wonder how they even fit into the group, and then you realise it's so the sexygirls can use her when they feel blue to feel better about themselves? Lately that chick has been me. Somewhere along the way, my appeal to the opposite sex fell drastically (much like the tree in the woods) and i wasn't around to witness it. Appearantly the tree does still make a sound! In my case, the sound went something like this, "Don't date him, he's much better as a friend!" Now the friend zone is a problem I'm sure everyone can relate to. I don't gotta go into detail about how much it frustrates me, but something else bothers me even more now.
I'm that guy!!! That guy that no man wants to be; that guy that no man respects. I'm that guy with all the hot lady friends. They all confide in me and tell me every last detail of their sexygirl lives! I know all of the sexy girls, and some guys think I'm the man, and tell me as much, but I know i'm not, and the girls know I'm not. "But Jam" they ask, "how is it that you're not the man, even though you're living out all of our fantasies?" "Because, my friend..." I tell them, "because really....i'm just another girl"
Now I know how lesbians feel. Cuz see, lesbians already know they have no chance with like 85% of the girls they meet, unless they're down in New Oreleans, or Western, or unless they slip a mickey in some other chick's drink. So with the remaing 15% that ARE lesbian, your common lesbian - let's call her Butch - still has to wonder, "Is she really lesbian? does she like me? should I do it? this is so rare!" Plus, Butch still has to put up with the lesbians that are:
a) still too scared to admit they're lesbian;
b) those lesbians who admit it, but can't be openly lesbian for social reasons, and finally
c) those lesbians who are fully open for a lesbian relationship, but still refuse to make the first move, because "The Butch girl should make the first move"
That leaves Butch with about 5% of the original crop of girls. On the regular, half of the remaining few are too ugly (c'mon, even Butch has standards!) which leaves you with 2.5%
Out of every 100 girls Butch knows, she has a chance with 2 attracitve girls, and 1 midget.
If you haven't figured it out yet the thrust of this metaphor is that I am Butch, and Butch is me. I guess I must know 97 women then! When I meet that midget she better be hot!
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