It's not an easy road
That lays ahead for me
But the easy road
Led me nowhere
That I haven't already been
It's not an easy road
That lays ahead for me
But the easy road
Led me nowhere
That I haven't already been
And very soon it became obvious
That she couldn't say I love you
Because she didn't love him
And she didn't love him
Because she couldn't say I love you
I don't love this
This thing we've become
Where I beg and plead
And you cringe and despair
Why did you waste our time away
Fun and games
Isn't enough for me either
I don't think you want what I have
To offer beyond the joys of my tongue
In fact I know it makes you afraid
I've unplugged the fan
The air is stagnant
You search for the window
To let some fresh air in
Or let yourself out, I'm not sure
Boredom is cruel
It repels us from those
Whom are full with lessons
And attracts us to those whom
Have shown us all they ever will
Now you want the
Satisfaction of my confessional
So you can say you came clean
And face yourself in the morning
But never have to face me again
You won't know
How much I wanted
You to hold me
You don't want to know
How much I wanted
Do the crashing waves
Delight you so much
That my destruction
At your side
Would lull you to sleep
Your energy
Is stronger than mine
But I run my tank efficiently
In order to have some ready
To lend you when you've exhausted yours
Your cruelest
Form of sarcasm
Is sounding genuine
When making an absurd comment
Like, for instance, you love me
You're just missing out
On so much happiness
Trying to quell mine
In any case I'll let you dwell
If it makes you happy
Why would you want
Someone who feels
So ugly inside already
To feel uglier by realizing
Again that you will never want me
It's hard laying
Peacefully next to you
Knowing you would
Rather have this
Bed to yourself
He would be
No better at loving me
Than you despite his great effort
I want someone who enjoys my song
Instead I have two people who detest it
Dearly beloved
Makes you shiver
Tossing and turning looking for
The warmth of knowing those words
Won't ever have to be ours
You're dying inside
Instead of living inside
You took my breath away
Yet now you can't breathe
Was my love a potion or toxin
Don't sit with me
Don't stand by me
Don't run with me
Don't leap for me
I was already in you
Art is an escape
Yours and everyone else's
I haven't the slightest idea
How to lose myself in you
Perhaps no escape is necessary
These winds
Bring great tidings
The scent of your hair
The sound of your voice
Across the waves crashing between us
I don't want to say
That I deserve these lips
But i truly believe everyone
Deserves happiness, and
Your lips are all I know with that to offer
Some people have evolved
To look up to the stars for salvation
While others still search underground
Bottom feeding without any understanding
Of the sky's role in even that
I'll love you
Til it scares you
And I'll love you
Til it's the only thing
That makes you feel safe
Wish you could see
What I'm looking at
You only face yourself
In the dark, these days
You forgot how bright you are
You live by it
Actions speak louder
But nothing you do now
Will speak louder than those
Tears you shed in place of a goodbye
I know this
Is the last time I will
Ever get to hold you in this way
And the weight of that thought
Is crushing my arm beneath you
These words always
Escaped you
Said more correctly, you
Let them pass you by without
A care or wonder
You belong
To the past
As do I
No matter how much
We enjoy misplacing one another
That was it
That was all
I wrote it away
I hope you see now
It was harmless, I am harmless
There's a stench
You can't quite name
But you're convinced
It's on me, and you're certain
It stands between us
It was never me
And you knew this
So you pounded my chest
Screaming it was never you
And I knew this
I've been in solitary
Just screaming at our past
Knowing you hear me through the vents
Knowing you will never be decent enough
To even slide a key under the door
You made a promise
That when I was hurting
I wouldn't have to ask
So when I beg you to stop
It hurts twice as bad
I used to dream of you
To escape nightmares
I have demons I took
Too long to face
Now they're on that spot on my back
Fly away
Only to return
Gone when I was here
Here after I've left
Chasing my back to avoid my gaze
I patched together
Enough of your half truths
To make it seem like
You had a few whole truths to offer
But promises trade on paper not coins
I'm used to
Crying all at once
Not one extra tear each day
I cry to die and move on
Not to cope with living
My bed linen
Stinks of your absence
This blanket provides
None of your warmth
I lay awake by obvious choice
You don't know
Love until you've
Deafened with passion
And held captive a heart
Only to hear it whimper for release
A lot of how
We see the world
Has to do with the lens
Through which we see it
I saw only darkness through your eyes
I've never seen
A cloud leave so quickly
There must be someone else
East of here whose night
Has suddenly become worse than mine
Who am I
This man sitting here
At this hour unable to sleep
So awake with himself yet
Asleep to the trials of happiness
Rain births poems
I am simply a deliverer
My words are crop and livestock
What would I have fed you
Were it not for the rainfall from your eyes
No matter how hard you try
You won't escape my eyes
You'll never make it to more perfect
Than you already are now
This now, and every now, from now on
I hear a lion in your lungs
A bear in your belly
A gorilla in your gullet
But the mouth of a mamba
Quiet, until my flesh within range
When the sky falls
And beats against the
Empty city streets at night
I hear your laughter in each drop
Wishing you were splashing in my puddle
This vanity
Is a sickness
You volunteer yourself to
More often than you volunteer
Yourself to your health
If you know
You mistreated me but
Won't fight to give me peace
As much as you fought to give me hell
Then who will ever fight for you
After he ripped my heart
In two from then on I could
Only ever love two men at once
Or one with half my heart
While the other half withered in politeness
She isn't the girl for you
She's not going to find you
If she can't even find herself
Staring in that mirror all day long
Unless you stand in her shadow you're not in view
You were always
Going to betray my heart
Once you betrayed your own
You made me meet you in your thunderstorm
Only to dry off by his fireplace
You don't want me
To want is an active verb
If you mistake it as passive
It will leave you behind
As will I
Please, I beg you
Stop painting your face
You think I like it on you but
With if you put on another coat
I fear I might lose you forever under there
I want you in the sun
Every inch of your flesh
Glistens in my desire
Your entire body is mine already
Except the lips, which I prefer in the night
I think you're in love
With your wild heart
You think it sets you free
But you've become a slave
To the wilderness
This heart was torn
Now it beats in
Two places at once
Wanting to be mended
By either of you
You love yourself
Enough to destroy me
You don't love me
Enough to destroy yourself
Let everyone know what you did to me
Don't do that
Silence me tonight
You will regret hushing me
Furthermore you'll not enjoy
The storm after the quiet
No, not here
Ask me again tomorrow
In the sun of the morning
Not under the cloak of night
So there's no doubt it's me you desire
The smell of
Late summer
Is all over you
Too late will I treat
Our days as they were numbered
This is the night
Where I would
Never again forget
The fragrance of your hair
In the summer breeze
With each passing day
It seems as though you're here
Less often so naturally I
Assume you're somewhere else
Because you don't look lost, just misplaced
I beat my drum for
Anti white-supremacy
Not anti-white supremacy
Now that I have made the distinction
It's on you to ensure that there is one
I haven't been her
Since we broke up
Don't you understand yet
You killed her when you left
You wouldn't want me any more than you did her
There isn't enough water
Hot or cold
To wash away
All the sweetness
You've left on my tongue
It's easy, and that's why
It's seen as being romantic
Because we're born into this
Very lazy concept of what love is
Where everything is fulfilled by our lover
I don't know when
I forgot who I wanted to be
All I remember is wanting so bad
For you to remind me
How silly is that
I am going to put
My lips onto yours
Because I am full of life
And you have lost yours
Once you have breath I will be gone
Has anyone asked you
For your hand lately
Can I share in your energy
And delight in how differently
Our blood flows
Every summer
You pretty flowers bloom
With magisterial radiance
Until I pick one of you
Causing her too soon to wilt
How come so few of you
Have the skin you want
Before you beautify
And then less of you
Have it after
I don't turn to my phone
Anymore there's nobody
There for me now, in fact
I have nowhere really to go
Since searching within led me here
Don't you feel that
Warm breeze on your skin
Carrying you away from yourself
Into that eternal wind, where
There is no self between us
Green is a desperate colour
Bursting from blue with an
Undying urge to be seen
Envy, money, foliage
Green precedes its object
I just want to hold you
Fully clothed with no makeup
So it can pour out of you
Until we're both drenched
In sweat and tears
Why do we
Keep fighting
Are we fighting for
Something that we can have
Or something that we've lost
They are
Wolves in the night
All they know is each other
And where they are headed
Never how, why or when
We've got
Lots of time ahead
If you close your eyes
You'll see that I'm right
We don't have to rush this first step
In the reeds
Is where they'll find their love
Where they stowed it away
For safekeeping they each thought
But I meant for them to find it together
He has some nerve
This act of his is
Very predictable, but
Still kind of sweet the way
He makes it seem like it's his first time
With you I
Become legendary
As the air becomes wind
Not knowing how or why
Nonetheless removing clouds
That mask
Must be painful
With your smile
Pounding from behind
Begging for daylight
I want to hold you
Until it's gone
Until the black sky
Has revealed at least
A glimmer of light for you
Dominate flesh
Allow yourself more
All the wonders that lie beyond
The sensation of touching a body
Are trapped in the words she yearns to share
I could tell, the moment
I opened that door I knew
You were not alone in that apartment
And maybe there weren't any girls, but
You certainly filled the room with doubts
Balance, symmetry, no
The flame follows only the wind
And the wind follows only her heart
So I will follow you until you die down
Warming the places you left cold
Every day
Produces a song
If you listen closely enough
And if you sing along
Then you will come to know me
Holding you
Is the only thing missing
You probably want to be held
By someone else
My only question, do you already know who
I think the longest road
Is the one you take
To the other side of yourself
The good thing is you don't need
To save anything for a return trip
I don't want your flaws
I have my own burden
Love is not your free ride
At my expense
I am by no means indebted to you
Do you weep because
Your heart is now open
Or because his
Will be broken when you tell him
He has not stolen you from me
I have to work on me
You have to work on you
We've tried trading responsibilities
For too long, and really neither of us
Share the same vision of success
Even though
You wouldn't let me
I said goodbye to you
I accepted a life had ended
I was born in the night after our day
There are far
More noble sacrifices
To be made
For love
Than your integrity
When I grew up
I finally saw
The child in you
The one you hid
Behind the cookie jar
Your eyes only
Allow you to see
The worst in me
I can't bother to look
At them anymore
You've brought
A cloud to this beach
And given enough idle visitors
A brief taste of your cold gloom
Why won't you take your misery into the sea
They know our
Favourite soother
And they know better
Than us when we want it
They have mastered closing our eyes
We have been overcast
For far too many weeks
Nothing grows anymore
Except the distance between us
Let the worms have it, we summoned them
Behind that gorgeous
Smile are the most
Ugly intentions but I
Refuse to repay your
Ill will with my own
Why don't
We just admit
We're two people
Who want to be one people
And leave it at that
The iron knows no race
No gender, age, nation nor creed
It admits desire and denies excuse
Rewards failure and torments success
Here or not, the iron takes attendance every day
You'll never see
How much I loved you
Until you yearn for yourself
Then you will see what I stayed for and
What I had to leave behind before it all vanished
That's how it is
I find strength in
Building you up, You
Through tearing me down
How it's always been
If I had your voice
I would sing all day
For strangers or anybody
In need of your song
I need your song
You look at me
with so much love
I can't look at you
the same, I don't
Want to
You are fire
I'm not looking
For a new flame
A glass of water
Will quench my thirst
It can't be denied
Havana is ripe to break free
Will Washington again bring his guillotine
Dropping his cold blade with an invisible hand
Or are you convinced this time it's about democracy
Just want you
To dig me
With enough intensity
To start this fire
Before nightfall
I wish I could
Search the future
As much as I have
Searched the past
For hope
You've made it easy
For me to understand
That I am alone in this misery
I just wish you were as good
At explaining anything else
I know better
Than to tell the old man
I'm done with this world
I remember the promise I made
I know what I owe him for this
This time of year
My eyes water but
My only allergy is isolation
From you
Always from you
Through the cold
I will move the feet
That won't move on their own
And summon the lost fire
Until your heart thaws
I've so feverishly
Tried to erase you
Now you're smeared
All over my page and I'm left
Without a clean slate from which to love
When I was little this one time
Somehow, a street hydrant burst open
Without word we all ran to it shirtless
Bathing in want to be those poor Bronx babies
Knowing they were rich with the identity we lacked
What would you say
Is the last thing you
Were so dedicated to that
You'd stay up until morning on it
When last have you done that thing
Every poem I feel
Has been made of two parts
The part where we are still together
And the part that was written
Before we ever put pen to paper
Just outside my window
I smell new life, brand new
It's time to plunge from this tower
I'd rather be down there with my head high
Than here sorrowing over things beneath me
No matter
Where you go
Always remember
You're still there
And so am I
I don't want
To yearn for your tears
Show me your insides
Consist of more than salt and water
Show me I have made it in you
My mind quiets
For about five minutes each day
Which I use to think of you
And with those thoughts I go
Off again to the races
I just recently found out
That desire was my art's
Most staunch enemy
Writing about your unknowns was
Like painting a rose in a lightless closet
White stone and sand
Under this cloudless sky
Was the final resting place
For my desire, and
The birthplace of my appreciation
Our first kiss
Was forbidden I think
It simply must have been
I have only known such joy
To accompany grave expense
You want me
To give you
Every freedom from
Yet you take from me
Every freedom to
What place is there
For me at this table
You've made a spectacle feast
Of everyone's favourite dishes
And my most deadly allergies
I have left
Our night behind us
I don't need your quiet
Or your calm to move on
What you make of the day is your affair
I want to lick
The words that pour out
From beneath your skin
And have them on my tongue
To henceforth speak only of your taste
Praises be
To all the girls
Who chose some else over me
Or chose themselves before me
So she could choose me
One day you wake up
To find that you are
Adorned in suffering
A willing contributor to the pyramid
Asking the bottom labourers for yet more foundation
This bed is overfull
With your dreams and desires
There's barely enough room for me
As for my few fantasies
I may have to find them another room
Your mouth is so big
Yet your voice is too small
To be heard in this forum
Nobody cares what you think
Until the message is loud enough
She doesn't love me
She loves herself with me
Loves the two of us on stage
But here in this audience
She can't sit still with me for even an act
From port to port
You've convinced yourself
That you're some grand ship
And you can only dock for the night
But your great destination is just another dock
Suddenly your giant current
Swallowed me whole
Dragging me from the shoreline
I was so afraid to venture from on my own
Now I can hardly remember life on his lonely island
I don't know for sure
If this is what forever feels like
Is it supposed to feel like
Looking forward to tomorrow or
Does it feel like forgetting yesterday
When you're gone
I don't sleep on your side
I can't, it was never mine
Every home needs an alter
And I already worship your return
When I see you again
You will be much older
Wiser, I would hope
I will not recognize you but
I will recall how you impacted me most
The way you
Address strangers by name
Offer every conversation your eyes
While still managing to keep me center stage, oh!
To be draped in the cloth from which you were cut
All that is good
Has fallen from my grasp
All at once I'm yet again forced
To decide if I should pick up the pieces
Or make it across by foot before sundown
This safe prison
Is so comfortable
Which is what I fear most
How in such embracing arms
Can I enjoy the thrill of falling
Alone
With a lover
Just on the other side
Of that wall
That terribly tall wall
You keep thinking with him
You'll find that je ne sais quoi
One day he too will leave and
All you'll have left
Is a je ne sais pas
The storm in you
Knows no quiet, not a single stillness
Until our most firmly planted oak
Has been vehemently uprooted
You will rest when all of us is destroyed
In most pairings
I would wait for her to unfold
Revealing the true self she hid
Knowing I would not be fond
But you made haste to reveal my delight
A lot of guys
Are only in relationships
For the promise of persistent female attention
When they become the man who can have any woman
A relationship becomes a less valuable commodity
With him
The thought of forever
Felt like it might be too much
With you it feels like not enough
That's how I know
We're the same
There is no way to relieve
The pain between her ears
She bears her burden upon her shoulders
My job is only to kneed until she is soft in my hands
I was plagued each day
By a hundred tomorrows
Never having time for a single now
Until you came into my life and at once
Made all of my tomorrows come true
When forever finds you
And rescues you
From the grips of never
Unite the hands of tomorrow and yesterday
Saying to both, it was nice knowing you
I saw a bird soaring
Wondering where to
You wondered where from
We stretched our eyes across time
Until we couldn't resist the space between us
We sang our songs
From different rooms
Never did we serenade
Ourselves or each other
And never did we even attempt a duet
On most days
He is the gentle silence
I yearn for in my thunderstorms
Today I struck him and I fear
His silence has become a deafening siren
I used to see you
Under the sun
Every speck of you was vivid
I can't remember now seeing
Your face without a cloud overhead
Writing you was a mistake
It has given me such heavy emptiness
I have never been bothered more
By such persistent vacancy
With your wealth of words you set aside none for me
This is all new to me
The others didn't listen
Didn't care to know me like you
To know all of me in and out
Just one day you could only hear the worst of me
After each booming cry
You sat down spool in hand
Weaved together a new blanket
To warm me through cold nights
But by day I shed her for my lost nakedness
My favourite song was your laugh
Favourite movie was the day we met
Book was your autobiography
Poem was our first time
Colour was your eyes
I don't want
To deny you pleasure
But I'm more concerned
With providing you happiness
So let's not dance to the old tune again
You don't owe me
An apology
You owe me sympathy
As I would owe an invalid
While I carefully avoid his wheels of progress
I'm not lonely
Not anymore
Not because you've
Chosen to be with me, rather
Because I've finally chosen to be chosen
I smell you
As I have smelt
Past lovers in my own flesh
Difference being, this time
I like the new scent I've taken on
It's a scary plunge
Into that deep sea
Allowing myself to be
Submerged in you but
Drowning in you is better than air
Regulated substance
Naked, useless and on the ground
Perpetually poor with dwindling offspring
Yes, its side effects are well within regulation
Only you won't stand up and play against the rules
I want to remain
Sturdy and sterile for you
A working space for the
Delicate and meticulous surgery
Of the heart I know you've been meaning to perform
We wrestle into every position
All the ones we always dreamed
We'd finally share with that someone
And all the ones we always knew
Never felt right with anyone before
Maybe your fears
Are not a big deal for me
And my fears
Are not a big deal for you
And that's all it took
Black for you
Is a genre, a category
For me, and well
Most of human history black is
Mother, father, marriage to the sun
How many times
Have you found
Your old self and
Your new self
Between two pages
You have no art
You say you like to draw
But all you ever do is colour
In the lines given to stifle childish hearts
I know why you don't know how to love
Lately I've noticed
These thoughts keep coming back
In the dead of night I can remember
Memories I only before had access to
Through a shared consciousness I thought was lost
I've moved on she said
I didn't believe her
Until she showed me
He'll give her what I never could
It finally made sense what she was asking for
I hear crickets
It's January in my condo
I know the noise is in my head
And I shouldn't listen to them chatter
But they're the only ones reaching out
You only try
To talk to me
Through suffering
Anymore
We haven't shared a smile in months
You can do it
I believe in you
That never stops
Just because we're apart
Allow yourself to be happy again
I placed a lot of things
From my heart on these pages
And I did not smear blood or flesh
But rather that thing in the heart that
Was never mine, was never ours, to begin with
I was never invited to your party
Except those times I dressed up
As the help, the clown, the villain, the fool
I get it, exclusivity requires exclusion
Why else would anyone confuse you for important
All this petty acting out
Teaming up with your single friends
Trying to decide if I really cheated
Or if those voices need to be silenced
They working hard to drown in the shallow end
To be honest
I've spent the last while
Hoping harder to see you happy
Than to see me happy, and frankly
I can't outlast either of our miseries
You may feel on grey days
That your great love passed you by
Know then, finally, that you are wrong
It was my great love that came and went
Come on in from the rain babe
I didn't love her
Or any of them
As much as I do you
Fair question though
How many times have I answered so
If I could have you
I would search no further
I would yearn no longer
All the quest in me would perish
As I would have for the first time arrived
Romance and passion
Those are the spices of life
You want to base your whole diet
On spice, I'll tell you what's in store
Heartburn
So loudly he says that his
Giving is for giving's sake
For me that never jived
For me the only altruist is the man
Who's realized he gives out of guilt
I'm not fooled
You know precisely
How enraptured I must be
Every inch of you is on purpose
Every inch a victory over me
Is this truly an
Invasion of privacy
Anymore than I invade the sun
When she enters my room with
If anything far less radiance
Walking on your own
I pray also alone
If I can set myself free
From these hundred fears
I might ask if you mind being alone together
That's how it happens
You find out at your desk one day
How easily now you lose focus
How easily you lost focus of it all
How hard it is now to sit, think, stretch or anything peaceful
I can't see where
You're trying to take us
Yet still all I have
Is your voice and my trust
To see me through these days
If this mighty river
Surrounded by such beauty
Can find calmness
Surely in your presence
I can find low tide within myself
Don't do this
Please don't do this
If you keep up this display
I won't be able to forget it
Which for me is true forgiveness
I've buried you with the others
But their hearts never
Beat for mine quite like yours
I suspected you would resurface
Which is why I kept the spade
Africa, mama
Keep us safe and warm
From his cold unfeeling whip
I know he's wrestling with his own guilt
But I can't protect my brothers much longer
Young black man
They want you to cheat
So they get the real two for one
The queen is dethroned and the king
Forfeits his holdings to their judiciary
Who's counting tears
What use is there in ending this early
To spare more tears in the future
And after all if we end this now
I'll lose way more tears between now and then
Each kiss was
Passionately wet and yet
Each kiss was
Dry flintstone colliding
Sparking our everlasting flame
Now I have a narrative
A reason outside me
For these words inside me
And it was only ever to be found
At the bottom of my sea of tears
Took a thousand words
To make us picture perfect
Took a thousand poems
To put our picture away
Put it away and it took my poems hostage
Every night I am reborn
With memories of you and I
And each morning again
Sentenced to death as I wake
Without you here to join me as I climb
You've cursed me
With a night I'll never relive
I still remember how it tastes
I remember dying in you knowing
I would regret not bringing us to life
Last night I dreamed
Of what I must sound like
Booming into your fragile ears
And it shattered me to hear
Your voice asking only for approval under mine
Let me tell you son
In life a lot of people
Will ask you to care more about
The things that don't need your attention
Than the things that are begging you for it
I want our lips together
Not because I crave your flesh
When we speak to one another
Our words are like lonely blades of grass
Trying to tell us how rich the soil is beneath them
We are all water
So we were both waters
I shouldn't demise
That yours have mixed
With mine forever
Bring my heart to sleep
Let it dream away past troubles
Let it wake up to a new day
Fresh as it once was before
It beat for you
We're both storytellers
You're telling a story
That hasn't happened
I'm telling a story
That hasn't happened yet
Boatman doesn't live
Working closed waters
The shores are not his home
Just a place for his slumber
The waves are what rouse him from it
This is how I
Slipped into lunacy
It happened the night I realized
All of their voices were
Less convincing than all of mine
Now I want out
From under this safety blanket
I'm still very afraid of the outside
All I know for sure though is I'm
More afraid of dying in here
You want to tear down any walls
That stand between me and you
That's fine, but when you attack my
Foundation it just means you don't want
This house I've built, so build your own
Everything trembles
For something
Someone
On this grand fabric
Somebody already feels your pulse
Your ducts are filled
With tears held back
Saved for me to see
If that's what you want
I will bring you the jar half filled with mine
Each one brought his own hammer
Gripping me tight as his pin
Together we chiseled away
Hoping to set free a hidden soul
Not knowing exactly whose would spring forth
Blessed with more time
On God's green earth
Than any humans before us
Yet we wonder how we could ever
Do more than the ancient heroes we worship
There's no helping her
She wants to be lost
Least of all found by you
When she calls to you from a distance
She only needs your voice not your words