"Inaction is validated only by preceding and consequent action."
"Everybody wants to shine. These days, most people don't care which part of them does."
They're mine. They're both mine.
Saturday, May 21, 2005
Tuesday, May 17, 2005
Thoughts From My Fortnight of Relaxation
I haven't worked in almost two weeks, and I'm not taking summer school. Already I'm beginning to feel the pressure of society. Today I watched Dr. Phil with my mom, it was an episode on moochers. After that was Oprah, an episode on women struggling with being overweight. Being the overweight brutha that I am and living at home with my folks, it's needless to say this afternoon had me feeling like a fat slob. The McDonald's dinner didn't help. Nor did my mom, questioning whether I even still work for the bank. Nor did the frequent questioning by my friends, "So where are you working this summer?" as though I had lost my job at TD or something. Nor did the repeated memories of my having no money. Nor did waking up this morning to a call from a hiring agency that wanted me to comment on a friend of mine, who just got a job. Nor did pretty much any conversation I've had in the last 2 weeks with friends, about them getting back to school or to work, as though this year will be any harder than last.
But, I can make enough excuses for now. Honestly, job-searching last summer was a waste of time; I spent so much time looking for work, it was like a fulltime job with no pay. I'm not going to bother looking for a second job to commit to this summer. I'm just going to bully myself into getting as many hours as possible. I can take comfort in having a job. I can do like most of my friends and absorb myself in my current low-level, do-nothing position and comfort myself with the resulting marginal level of financial security. Or I could plunge myself further into debt, and take up the odd course at school and take comfort in the fact that "I'm in school" and that I don't need to worry about the future, just yet. And, with the added pressure I put on myself to finish school early I relieve myself of the pressure of failure, because if I do poorly than I must have pushed myself too much, too fast. I have to admit, any and all of these excuses seem like golden opportunities right about now, mostly because like most undergrads my age I'm quite insecure.
But, unlike most undergrads I think my level of insecurity is a bit more dangerous. I was feeling the supposed 'quarter-life crisis' symptoms in about grade 12/OAC. And like most people who come of out university, pull up their bootstraps and throw themselves into a secure job, I came out of highschool, pulled up my bootstraps and threw myself into a secure program, Co-op BBA. After almost 2 years of blogging, anyone reading this now probably already knows how I feel about the BBA, and Coop, and well UofT in general. But let me get back to my insecurity.
I'm sitting here, almost finished my program with mediocre marks, and slightly above average experience, work and volunteer wise. An undergraduate degree these days is slightly better than a dime-a-dozen highschool diploma, probably somewhere around a quarter-a-dozen. Furthermore, my degree (keeping with the fact that I'm university's B- student) is even less special than about half of the people in the room, in any given classroom. So as much as university is supposed to offer four years of the social safety net and the crafted skills to enter the workforce and make myself feel more secure, I find that with every passing day I'm regressing further into a pit of insecurity.
Some people like to blame this kind of pressure with going to UofT, or being in a competitive program, or having added outside stressors in their lives, like shitty time-consuming part-time jobs. Seriously though, everyone has work and shit to deal with. Competing now is easier than competing later on with no experience. And honestly, we UofT folk aren't much different than the rest. At Ryerson you find out you're mediocre after you get your degree with high marks and the industry doesn't really care. At UofT, you find out that you're mediocre every step of the way, after every depressing exam. Management was a bust for me, I knew that was coming, but I thought there would be salvation in economics. I still like economics a lot, but success in econ seems slim. Maybe I can put my minor in philosophy to good use!
"What can you do with a degree in philosophy?"
"Have deep thoughts about being unemployed!"
-Dragon, The Bruce Lee Story
But, I can make enough excuses for now. Honestly, job-searching last summer was a waste of time; I spent so much time looking for work, it was like a fulltime job with no pay. I'm not going to bother looking for a second job to commit to this summer. I'm just going to bully myself into getting as many hours as possible. I can take comfort in having a job. I can do like most of my friends and absorb myself in my current low-level, do-nothing position and comfort myself with the resulting marginal level of financial security. Or I could plunge myself further into debt, and take up the odd course at school and take comfort in the fact that "I'm in school" and that I don't need to worry about the future, just yet. And, with the added pressure I put on myself to finish school early I relieve myself of the pressure of failure, because if I do poorly than I must have pushed myself too much, too fast. I have to admit, any and all of these excuses seem like golden opportunities right about now, mostly because like most undergrads my age I'm quite insecure.
But, unlike most undergrads I think my level of insecurity is a bit more dangerous. I was feeling the supposed 'quarter-life crisis' symptoms in about grade 12/OAC. And like most people who come of out university, pull up their bootstraps and throw themselves into a secure job, I came out of highschool, pulled up my bootstraps and threw myself into a secure program, Co-op BBA. After almost 2 years of blogging, anyone reading this now probably already knows how I feel about the BBA, and Coop, and well UofT in general. But let me get back to my insecurity.
I'm sitting here, almost finished my program with mediocre marks, and slightly above average experience, work and volunteer wise. An undergraduate degree these days is slightly better than a dime-a-dozen highschool diploma, probably somewhere around a quarter-a-dozen. Furthermore, my degree (keeping with the fact that I'm university's B- student) is even less special than about half of the people in the room, in any given classroom. So as much as university is supposed to offer four years of the social safety net and the crafted skills to enter the workforce and make myself feel more secure, I find that with every passing day I'm regressing further into a pit of insecurity.
Some people like to blame this kind of pressure with going to UofT, or being in a competitive program, or having added outside stressors in their lives, like shitty time-consuming part-time jobs. Seriously though, everyone has work and shit to deal with. Competing now is easier than competing later on with no experience. And honestly, we UofT folk aren't much different than the rest. At Ryerson you find out you're mediocre after you get your degree with high marks and the industry doesn't really care. At UofT, you find out that you're mediocre every step of the way, after every depressing exam. Management was a bust for me, I knew that was coming, but I thought there would be salvation in economics. I still like economics a lot, but success in econ seems slim. Maybe I can put my minor in philosophy to good use!
"What can you do with a degree in philosophy?"
"Have deep thoughts about being unemployed!"
-Dragon, The Bruce Lee Story
Saturday, May 14, 2005
Please Support My Boycott!
...
"Why? What's the problem?"
"Clean that up!"
"Okay, sorry officer I didn't know"
"Clean that up!"
"Okay, I couldn't find a washroom I'm sorry."
"Well you better clean that up or I'll give you a ticket!"
"How am I gonna clean that up?"
"I don't know, clean it up!"
"How?"
(circular conversation continues for about a minute... after that)
"How about if I come into your house and piss in your room?"
"Okay, this isn't your house, that isn't the same!"
"Well, that is disgusting!....How about I give you a ticket for tresspassing?"
"Well I'm not tresspassing, I paid for parking here!"
"How about I give you a ticket for littering?"
"How is that littering? I mean the booth is right over there, and I didn't drop any garbage."
"Okay, you're under arrest!"
"For what?"
"You're under arrest, come with me!"
"No! What's my crime? Okay, I'm calling my lawyer, this is..."
-Grabs arm, tugs on jacket, reaches for pocket!)
"Let go of me, where are you taking me?"
-Grabs person's throat, begins to choke him, onlookers begin to converge and gasp!"
"YO (friend's name), ARE YOU FILMING THIS? GET THIS ON CAMERA!"
(friends and onlookers -including me- begin to take pictures."
"Do not resist arrest!"
"I'm not resisting! What's the charge?" (arms in the air, backing away from the officer)
"Come with me!"
-The two struggle, the guy eventually breaks free of the officer's hold, and looses him in the staircase, the officer returns to viewable range.
"I'm okay!" (the officer says, wow!)
Toronto Police Force: "To Protect and Serve"
Officer Badge Number: 995
So I see all of this after a lovely Friday night downtown. I'm still in my van.... the cop realised that I'm there witnessing the whole thing. He starts coming up to the van to scream at me. Tapping on the van and yelling, "Get out of here!" He and the hotel manager start calling me shit. The friends who videotaped this on their camera phones have by now been ordered to leave.
So they're forcing me to leave, the parking manager is calling me a fucking asshole. I'm like, "I'm a paying customer, here is my chip and I don't need your abuse!" The guy slaps the chip away from my hand! I say, "Step the hell away from my van and don't touch me again!" I ask the cop to tell me where I can form a complaint, he's giving me the sarcastic runaround.. So i stop my van in teh middle of the driveway.
We get into an argument, yadda yadda yadda I take the cops badge number and leave... I flip him and the hotel manager the bird on my way out, and drive off. I'm never parking at the fucking Paramount on Richmond and John again! Support my boycott!!
As for the police, well how far into my story did it take you to realise that the guy and his friends were black? Those who have turned a completely blind eye to the inequality of treatment by the police force might say something like, "I realised he was black when he said Yo!" Anyway, everyone likes to dismiss the double-standard because it seems so cliche - the pigs holding down the black man! Then when people complain about racial profiling and so forth, those who have already decided to ignore the double standard continue their ignorance by dismissing our claims.
I'm not going to say that a white guy wouldn't have been approached by the police for taking a piss in an underground parking lot (hell the officer was chinese anyway!) But I'm still waiting for the day where someone non-ethnic has a cop making every effort to throw unjust charges his way, and then when he calls the cop on that injustice the cop proceeds to assault him! Black folk historically cry "Injustice!" loud and for everyone to hear in order to get some equality, both politically through marches, or on a small scale. I'm no different, I sat there and refused to leave and took pictures with guys I didn't even know of this shit going down!
When your average Joe asks, "What's the charge?" your overage cop tells him! When your average Ray-Ray from the hood asks, "What's the charge?" the story goes a little something like that!
"Why? What's the problem?"
"Clean that up!"
"Okay, sorry officer I didn't know"
"Clean that up!"
"Okay, I couldn't find a washroom I'm sorry."
"Well you better clean that up or I'll give you a ticket!"
"How am I gonna clean that up?"
"I don't know, clean it up!"
"How?"
(circular conversation continues for about a minute... after that)
"How about if I come into your house and piss in your room?"
"Okay, this isn't your house, that isn't the same!"
"Well, that is disgusting!....How about I give you a ticket for tresspassing?"
"Well I'm not tresspassing, I paid for parking here!"
"How about I give you a ticket for littering?"
"How is that littering? I mean the booth is right over there, and I didn't drop any garbage."
"Okay, you're under arrest!"
"For what?"
"You're under arrest, come with me!"
"No! What's my crime? Okay, I'm calling my lawyer, this is..."
-Grabs arm, tugs on jacket, reaches for pocket!)
"Let go of me, where are you taking me?"
-Grabs person's throat, begins to choke him, onlookers begin to converge and gasp!"
"YO (friend's name), ARE YOU FILMING THIS? GET THIS ON CAMERA!"
(friends and onlookers -including me- begin to take pictures."
"Do not resist arrest!"
"I'm not resisting! What's the charge?" (arms in the air, backing away from the officer)
"Come with me!"
-The two struggle, the guy eventually breaks free of the officer's hold, and looses him in the staircase, the officer returns to viewable range.
"I'm okay!" (the officer says, wow!)
Toronto Police Force: "To Protect and Serve"
Officer Badge Number: 995
So I see all of this after a lovely Friday night downtown. I'm still in my van.... the cop realised that I'm there witnessing the whole thing. He starts coming up to the van to scream at me. Tapping on the van and yelling, "Get out of here!" He and the hotel manager start calling me shit. The friends who videotaped this on their camera phones have by now been ordered to leave.
So they're forcing me to leave, the parking manager is calling me a fucking asshole. I'm like, "I'm a paying customer, here is my chip and I don't need your abuse!" The guy slaps the chip away from my hand! I say, "Step the hell away from my van and don't touch me again!" I ask the cop to tell me where I can form a complaint, he's giving me the sarcastic runaround.. So i stop my van in teh middle of the driveway.
We get into an argument, yadda yadda yadda I take the cops badge number and leave... I flip him and the hotel manager the bird on my way out, and drive off. I'm never parking at the fucking Paramount on Richmond and John again! Support my boycott!!
As for the police, well how far into my story did it take you to realise that the guy and his friends were black? Those who have turned a completely blind eye to the inequality of treatment by the police force might say something like, "I realised he was black when he said Yo!" Anyway, everyone likes to dismiss the double-standard because it seems so cliche - the pigs holding down the black man! Then when people complain about racial profiling and so forth, those who have already decided to ignore the double standard continue their ignorance by dismissing our claims.
I'm not going to say that a white guy wouldn't have been approached by the police for taking a piss in an underground parking lot (hell the officer was chinese anyway!) But I'm still waiting for the day where someone non-ethnic has a cop making every effort to throw unjust charges his way, and then when he calls the cop on that injustice the cop proceeds to assault him! Black folk historically cry "Injustice!" loud and for everyone to hear in order to get some equality, both politically through marches, or on a small scale. I'm no different, I sat there and refused to leave and took pictures with guys I didn't even know of this shit going down!
When your average Joe asks, "What's the charge?" your overage cop tells him! When your average Ray-Ray from the hood asks, "What's the charge?" the story goes a little something like that!
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