Camera

She has never found her prince
He pops up now and then
In her friends' engagement photos
Gender reveal, couple diy posts and so on

Just never her own camera roll

Forbidden

For so many years
He has been forbidden from
The many interests of his loving heart
Now as time wears thin

Who could blame him for capturing this one

Heal

Appreciate the differences between
The earth and the world
Her heart and her soul
One is fragile because the other has gone hard

Know this and she can yet be healed

Resolve

I have never seen
A social media post
On December thirty first
Auditing with any detail

Those resolutions from January first

US Centrism

Ok but seriously
Quite literally
Maybe ninety five percent
Of the entire world is in a new year

Before the ball drops

Count Up

In this place
With these ideals
Most of the world will experience
A new year

Before I do

Grey Shades

I paint circumstance
For me that is enough
Art
Rainbows and sunsets

Are simply not my strokes

Whining

This is not a poem
I can't breathe
I can't sleep
Pure evil pours out my nose

So much remains

Gestures

Perhaps he curated
Our entire relationship
Knowing an authentic one
Would have sent me packing

Or maybe he only speaks in gestures

Part

He may actually never get
That a part of me wants him
A part of me I'm not proud of
But a part I can't silence

When he looks at me with everything he's got

1250

It has taken this many
Short words with long meaning
To realize you aren't gone
You were never here

Now I have known twilight and mist

Don't Fold

Then one day
While sorting through all those
Overwhelming piles of
Dirty laundry

She realized she had outgrown it all

Honesty Policy

Next year
I'll continue to stumble
I can't pretend to be perfect
No silver linings

Just making a measured prediction

Wishes

At my age, versus yours
Single means
Everyone I have ever loved
Wishes me a future without love

Or worse, love with someone else

Fill

Empty hearted
Empty handed
So gave you your fill
Asking for nought

Embarrassing neither party

Honey

Your eyes are just that way
Filled with honey
Making sweet
From that bitter past

You've always had to see your way out

Trust

White people can get
In such a fuss for me not trusting them
While they make common practice
In fact, industry, out of not trusting me

In perhaps every activity and endeavour

Organs

It's become difficult
Lending you my eyes
Let alone my mind or skin
My organs will no longer have me

Mistake weakness for fatigue

Hot and Cold

Remember the makeup of racism
Just ice
They weren't born that cold and they simply

Encased themselves to be protected from the bitter sun

They resent you for surviving their biggest fear

Alabama

This is not a victory
Stop celebrating yourself
This is one fallen soldier
Our battle not less our war is infant

Our enemy, as old as time

Overseas

I finally woke up
I'm coming for you
Please just give me time
I'll remind you of everything you saw in me

And reveal everything you didn't

Tell Me Go

Your lover and friend
Two very different men racing to
My awaiting lips
Only one with enough decency

To do what is right with them

For You

I'm already in chains
Every day I live for
Everyone living for himself
Or someone other than me

I won't live for you

Scents

If I close my eyes and breathe
Deeply into my skin
I can still find you there
Buried beneath recent attempts

At capturing our lost moments

Redo: Change/Exchange

I've moved on she said
I didn't believe her
Until she showed me
Him, every change she wanted

Months of fighting resolved in his soft glance

Redo: Contrast

I've moved on she said
I didn't believe her 
Until she showed me
Him, every change she wanted manifest

Months of fighting resolved in a contrast

Fuel

Maybe you need to hate me
Maybe it's fuel
If it ever stops being fuel
Starts smelling like gas, toxic

Just love yourself like I loved you

Buds

Malnourished
He can hardly taste
My blend of fresh herbs
After years of feasting

On flesh alone

Hug

His mother hugged him
Sparingly and intentionally
Hers, at every opportunity
Preparing them for the worst

Not the best

Mistake

You'll never kiss me
Again
Everyone sees what we have
Would have

Everyone but you

Half

I've always loved you
First sight
Knowing you'll never feel as strongly
Never mattered

Half would be plenty

Equity

You're all I have
All that is mine and
Could not belong to another
Please don't leave me too

Just let me break even

Tape

When you're running
You tend to only consider
Other runners
Deeming them fit enough to endure you

Until you cross the tape separately

Appearances

Baby, I'm tired
Why are you tired baby
This is too hard, this
We're not fooling anyone anymore

You can leave first if that helps

Misled

You think you're so tough
Can you withstand the thorns of her walls
You think you're so gentle
Can you handle his ego as a delicacy

Are you misled or misleading

Caretaker

Somebody else will
Clean up the mess
I've made of you
Mop those tears

Do my job

Carried Away

Holding me by the wrist
But I'm floating baby
Back home
You can't hold on long enough

Didn't know how far from home I was

Bonfire

He was the flame
And the fire
Kept me warm and
Burned me alive

Led me to paradise and destruction

Gone

Never see me again
Won't allow it
When we cross paths
You'll wonder who's that

Without any clue who I've become

Still

With others
I could run, jump
Some others I could certainly skip
With you I could be perfectly still

There was nowhere else we wanted me to be

Lost With You

I live in a sea
Of cannots
You told me I could have
Everything I have now

And everything I lost with you

Hotty

I run hot
And you were a cold compress
On the back of my neck
You made the sweat okay

You made them stop laughing

Reduce

Is love anything more
Than two people feeling
Like they don't deserve each other
Then realizing they do

Then realizing that's enough

Au

I've taken off the lens
Seen you through
My own eyes
You are more than photogenic

Those touch ups demean you

5:17

It turns out
Your side of the bed
Is lonelier than mine
Cooler but colder

Where to sleep now

I Saw It

She lit every fire
Burned every bridge
Fanned every flame she could
And he watched her hurl her fire sticks

Into the pond before his feet

Value

Why did you
Walk right past me
I was still showing you more
The more I revealed the less

I'm just tired of being depreciated

Goodnight Kiss

Lips
Then forehead and nose
After tasting you I wanted you
To remember me and my scent

Knowing you might have to

Jetlag

I want someone
To think fondly of
At hours like this
Instead of shame and rebuke

I could go for some honour

Scaling

No more babe
For the first time
You're all gone
I am alone with no ropes

Climbing properly with my legs

Get Some Air

Weddings
I am happy for them
Really I am
It's a beautiful night

On both sides of the moon

Rooftop

Today
I climbed thirty thousand steps
Damn near twice the steps we tumbled
Exactly a year ago

From up here, it's still you

Bullet Train

The best words are
Written in transit
The best feelings are desired
At rest

Will mine find you in time

Fuji

What is your mountain
Your reason
The path for which you risked
These giant slopes

The point where you can feel, here

War

The men prepare for
A war they may never face
Creating their own to feel useful
Women prepare for the war

Waged against them throughout time

Wounds

Meticulously 

Dressing her own wounds
He wouldn't know how
Far too much bandage

Not enough rosewater

Peaked

I can move mountains
With my words
Every single mountain but one 

Ours became massive with each attempt to converge

While our peak remained the same

Coat

I asked politely for
You to hand me my coat
This may be your house but it's my coat
I already have to face the rain out there

Why shower me in disgrace

Deed

When will I learn
Love is a gift not a reward
Most likely when least expected
Least cherished when most expected

Yet still a result of good deeds

Point One Percent

What if I wrote a book
The way history has always unfolded
A story of the richest few dozen
Living in a world where no one else existed

The world they have always lived in

Hawk

She's a hawk
Hovering over my feelings
Searching for least suspecting
The fattest ones lead her to danger

While begging to be devoured

Every Which Way

I want you everywhere once
All the places
I never had you
Taking you down wish after wish

Until the candles burn out

Numbered

Being in your love

Feels like recess

A few minutes here and there

That matter more than whole days

Nonetheless they are always numbered

Pause

Your lips
My lips
Nothing in between
And nobody

That's how time stops

Honest Living

Can't help but feel
You stole him from me
All this time wasted trying
To change you into him on my dime

I could been out earning him

Pastures

You can't start a new fire
On scorched earth
It burns pathetic, wasted fuel
The funny thing is

It makes it easier for new growth

Drafts

It's bad poetry
We were bad poetry
Overly literal
A straightforward disaster

Your recollection is even worse prose

Me

Oh, okay
Not my personality either
Hope and prayer is all I can bank on
To get someone to fall for me

That or I just stop being me

Assigned

I've been trying to figure out
Why I no longer value your opinion
Eureka!
You haven't done the assigned work

Love is a group project

Approach

I have every intention
Of reliving the past
Mostly my carefully calculated decisions
Have afforded me sunny days

Just this time I've brought my umbrella

Grip

Finger by finger
She let him go
Photos, messages, cards, jewellery
Memories

Just like that he became a was

Covers

She gift-wrapped this night
In expectation
He undressed her and left himself clothed
In cowardice

They lay side by side facing their shared ceiling

Haggle

My heart is a market
Sold bit by bit
Always fresh, always at a fair price
Still they haggle me

Each time wanting more for less

Squander

He was a gambler
Didn't really plan things out too far
Basically he squandered my tolerance
On petty fights he bet he could win

Left me nothing to spend on a future together

Move On

Have you loved again
Are you holding your breath
Until I pass out
If you feel the same way about me

You are trying to kill a ghost

Perhaps One

He was happy
For him days became like weeks
For her weeks became days
Each flying by with the reminder

She can't afford to waste two whole lives

Friday

Days like this when
I only want you to join me
Extra tickets
Asking extra people to fill your void

I still buy in pairs hoping you'd accept an invite

Of Labour

I was fruit
Sweet, soft, supple
A prayer answered for the malnourished
Then I became fruit

Sweet, unhealthy, rotting, not enough alone

Slumber

When someone wakes you up yelling
That's what it's like for the racist
Waking them from the American dream
Screaming history, facts, dates, proof

At once peacefully closed eyes

Lids

Now put a lid on it
It's too loud
There's already so much noise
I can't appreciate your song here

I've listened out for you in every silence

Salutation

Not ready for goodbye
Again
Not exactly prepared for hello
Perhaps because we never left

Perhaps because we never will

Nuit Blanche

Everyone's out there
Searching for art
I found it in the comfort
Of an empty bed

The canvas begs to be smothered in you

Chill

Having you would be
Bliss, silky soft, I imagine
Imagining you is warmer
Than realizing them

I'll need you for nothing less than a season

Piper

I have no doubt now
I really am your happiness
You need me singing my song
To find your way from this cave

But outside, it only works if I'm outside

Baked

How do you open an oven
So late, so many years late and
Still the fork reveals we're not yet baked
Though salivating overhow great it'll taste

Even if it were never to rise

My World

It has always been so
Algorithms
They have always decided our fate
Specifically from day one

The narrative is embedded in our very being

History

What I've had was
Some who honestly felt they could
Fulfill themselves through me
Many more who knew they couldn't

But love, I mean unless that's all there is to it

Stay the Night

Hard to hear this wind and
Not listen to us
Fall apart, a million pieces
Will you stay the night at least

Help clean come morning

Gust

It's the same weather
As the last time
You ran away
Ran away with this terrible wind

To reveal a new blue sky

Comfortable

You took
My life's savings
Spent every last dime
Now that we're both broke you ask

To borrow my shoes to walk away

Excitement

Excitement isn't joy
It's as much pain as it is pleasure
There is such a thing as too much of it
Excitement is the absence of joy

With the knowledge of it

Irrational

Excitement or impatience
Has it been too long
Or is it too soon
I can't know without your permission

I'm willing to guess even without

Darkness My Friend

You win
Take over my heart and body
Make the worst choices
Just send me the bill

I can't bother to keep my life together

Suspect Line

Not a racist
This is not your right
You have many rights but this is not one
You stand accused because a crime is committed

It's only on me to decide if you fit the description

Handouts

A moment in Nirvana
I'm not ashamed to say it
I'd use you in a heartbeat for that
If a moment is all you'll give me

I'll use it to bear a lifetime without you

The Butterfly Tree

The beginning was very romantic
Sprung forth from my cocoon et cetera
Those high flying days are behind us
I don't do well encased in your desire

Withering the very wings that brought me here

Black Cop

Believe me, I know judgment
First my skin and now my shirt too
You scream that I chose the wrong side
Scrambling yourself from oppressed to oppressor

While I'm sentenced each day to face your worst

Victoria and Abdul

I know now the difference
Between power and freedom
What delightful irony
It taking this most meager servant

To liberate a queen

Redoubtable

When and where
Can the revolution safely retire
Do ideals ever keep up with change
Am I a martyr without cause

Or a cliché without effect

The Hungry

It's strictly business
Life, love, dreams, ambition
It all boils down to planning and execution
Strategy, the very lifeblood of success

And what is life but success in not dying

Beneath Your Clothes

We weren't dating anymore
You made that clear in my dream
Undressing in front of me with a cross face
The pain of you not wanting me was outweighed

Only by the pain of knowing you felt unsafe in my affection

Mother!

More than a vessel
I didn't simply bring you into the world
I created you from nothing, from all of me
Yet you yearn for their affections over my love

I have housed you but will not house your betrayal

Part-Time

I'd rather have this conversation
Laying down
Vulnerable and protecting you
What you're saying would make more sense

If being your man was more than a part-time gig

Want

It wasn't his mother's fault she had reason enough
Raising a child of her own womb
To want for nothing
Now he wants for nothing

Least of all me, a prize too easily won over

Loving Pablo

I'll either forever regret
Or forever rejoice this day
In any case you are my everything now
You were hungry enough to swallow me whole

The poor have no time for simply tasting

Casing

We have no unfinished business
He has nothing to give me back
He didn't take my heart
Just broke it and left it for me

In any case he was just trying to free it from casing 

Spectator

Sick, breathless, crying
My body's convinced it needs to expel you
My mind thinks otherwise
Which leaves me a spectator to their conflict

My eyes are glued until the final whistle

Hope

They don't pray
All they do is bow their heads
When they really want something
They pray with sweat and tears

Cry out to god praying the sacrifice was worth it

Sammy Davis Jr: I Gotta Be Me

I didn't get to decide
How I came or how I went
But your first and last impression of me
I'm gonna own those baby

Everything in the middle I was just renting

Novitiate

Why can't I hear you
The way they do
Am I in love with your mystery
And the loneliness I tried to escape

Chasing your light into this darkness

Killing of the Sacred Deer

Which ideals and deep loves
Would you part with
Not for gain, but survival
Does it take courage or rather cowardice

To choose a life and see it through

Contrast

I've come to see
How it happens again and again
I envy and perhaps love you so much
That I appeal to your ignorance

Contrasting myself and your perception of me

No comma

We were noisy
Loud music we felt
In the end were were commotion
Begging for quiet

Commas, until period

Intervals

Today I can see the sun knowing
How long I waited and how soon she'll leave
I don't need to disguise sadness
With contentment

Grieving all my heart out has made room for today

Never Steady, Never Still

I'm still here
Inside myself
A volcano overflowing
In ways I fear you'll never see

Erupting in ways I fear you will

Stronger

Who could want me
Broken as I am
You are a person and a half
Filling in for my missing parts

Giving you my all would be my life's blessing

Proudly Ashamed

Withholds more than it yields
Controls more than it serves
Harms more than it protects
Binds more than it liberates

Pride has done more damage than shame

See you

Wishing I could
Reach across this space between us
Give you what happiness I have left
See what you can make of it

Even if it leave me at a loss again

Forgiveness

That's not me
Is what they always say once convicted
Though we begged them
To drop the racist act

You are everything you hold on to

Man

They weren't there
In that delivery room
This is why they know death and dying
More than they know life

And die trying to create a living

Trying

There is no closure
I loved you with all my wind
Leave the door open
Don't crumble behind the weight

Of trying to forget me

Be With It

If it weren't for that bellyache
I would have forever forgot
How good healthy feels
Thanking this moment with my company

Out of gratitude

In My Religion

What did the concept
The future
Mean to our ancestors
Was it us

Is humanity moving on schedule

Cliché

Just be with the moment
Be with it
Don't control it or fear control
Just see where it takes you

Trust the moment

Perish

Why even act out
No one will see
I'll just perish
She can't have me live on in her heart

My legacy would only kill the host

Accepting

Not the ending I expected
This is what I said I wanted though
For you to be happy even before I get there
I'm supposed to like this

I'm just tired of being the person who's supposed to like this

This Train

Beyond my volition
There is peace
Beyond resolution, control or discernment

There is a day of truth

Whether I walk or run on this train is without consequence

Ctrl

Praying for climax like
Trying to cup my palms tight enough
To keep you from slipping away
Wishing I could just throw them behind me

Have you find your way inside me without my own doing

Turtle

What is homesick
If that place was home
You shouldn't have left it
Home is every place I end up

I only leave where I can't afford to stay

Excavate

I just don't get you
You don't wish to be understood
And that's your given right
More of a burden than a privilege if you ask me

Burying your gem so deep only he can find it

Molten

Look at him laying there
Afraid heartbreak has made him soft
Waisting his one chance to remold before
Cold regrets leave him hard

Unable to remove those scars

Porto

Knowing you'll likely not return
The same, or even at all
I remain at your port
Prepared to see you drift away

Until you've left behind a horizon worth chasing myself

Localize

I want to be wanted
More than I want to be desired
Knowing the difference is the glimmer
In the cloud of having been neither

At least now the sorrow is half as vast

Mutual

Why validate yourself because you feel used
Don't condemn him for it, embrace
Embrace that you too are using him
Find peace in knowing you used each other

Instead of finding sorrow in feeling used by each other

Chicken

Anxiety and self-interest
Chicken and egg
Cause and effect and then cause again
The chain doesn't have to continue

If you're brave enough to face the weakest link

Draft 2 - Chicken

Anxiety and self-interest
Have a chicken and egg relationship
One causes the other
When you can't manage anxiety

Manage self-interest

Draft - Chicken

Anxiety
Is a chicken
Selfish interest, the egg
Which came first

Does it matter

Liquidate

I owe you my body, it's yours
You make me feel safe enough
To say that without fear
Of betraying myself

Again

Theseus

Is this the day
Before the day
I just give in
I'm taking in water

Is that why you jumped

Disposses

I must accept
What I wanted for us
You didn't want
With me

He will have my happiness

Drown

Laying tears against a receding shoulder
It's worse than drowning
I already admitted to my despair
Now you deny me even hope

Culpable as you may be in my rebirth

Blip

At least I know now
I don't want anyone, period
This search has been narcissistic
I'm not out there or deep in here

I'm a projection of desire against failure

Addiction

When everything isn't working
The consequence is obvious
Find the one thing that does
This is how I found you

Why it's impossible to cure me

Composition

How exactly does love
Soften some of us while
Hardening others
What in its nature magnifies in us

The desire for a different surface but the same core

Short Changed

It dismantles me to know
You handed him your desire
You craved the little he offered
When I gave you every last morsel

Which for you couldn't even make change

Veritas

If you never get here
Consider yourself blessed
Ignorance isn't bliss but it's better
I'd rather not know how little you feel

For how much I felt

Blank

I can't envision it
Even in my most calm state
I don't see a future
Not even a desired one

Not even the struggle itself seems worth it

11:50

Yea, the world is the lens
Through which you view it
Well I've tried on nearly every pair
It's not looking good

I don't see a future

Vanish

I came
Out if hiding
You were no longer here
I should not have expected it

Least of all had you promised

Expectation

Fat, black and mild-mannered
Dignity is not my expectation
It was my weaning hope
Of you, you who was different

I'm unlikely to accept if you change

As a man

After the anger and all that
Is actually shame
I will not take care of you
I did not, take care of you

Which is why moving on is impossible

Pick up

I don't tell you for your sake
That I think about it
Contemplate
How easier it would be

If I were to leave it all behind

Caste Aside

Never change
Just keep being you
Single, alone, desperate, unloved
Someone has to build all that character

While we build castles in the sand

Live Fast

When the young die
They immortalize themselves
Having never grown old or
Weary and disappointing

Will we, or rather us, die young or old

Reduce

Butter and toast
Outside on a warm night
Who has ever not smiled with that at hand
To think how hard we try to manufacture

This simple feeling with more complicated ones

Below the Clouds

Beautiful sunsets
Normally follow the worst days
Yet our clouds aren't rose painted
I would have liked to mark this milestone

Perhaps celebrations only follow true progress

Gambler

There's no Renaissance
No second coming of well-measured pairings
We just continually suck at love
That gamble has already left half of us broke

The other half, too greedy to share

Dispirited Away

He lost novelty, enthusiasm and hope
In that order
This village was not a success
Perhaps the next down is ripe for his enterprise

And then, once more, a shot at the world

Concept: Motion and Time

Reality, otherwise known as today
Is cold, dreary and empty
Dreams, otherwise known as tomorrow
Is a hot paralyzing chaos

Yesterday is lukewarm, the unchangeable blend of both

Drained

Let it remain open
In your heart as it is in mine
Leaking
Mine is already empty

It doesn't matter to close it now

Home

Sometimes he forgets

They're in a hurry

Trying to get from here to there

When here doesn't feel like home

Doesn't matter what you built

Thirst

He followed her
Quietly
Knowing she approached only doom
The rivers she would face were too strong

Yet, she led him to water

Walls

Confidence is essential

Next time I need to feel I deserve

Nothing less than inspiration

Resounding joy or nothing at all

What else would justify it taking so long

Rather Buy

Perhaps nobody before
Has made such an effort to make
Me feel as worthless as you have
Your pride at the cost of mine

When I would have built it for free

Charging

Listen, if you ever want to
Stop by and lay down
After all that running
I'm here to give back to your body

What they wish to take

And Again

Good, now you know that tragedy
Has made you stronger
Have you also seen how success has failed you
Where are the roots of your expectations

Would you uproot them for richer soil

For Granted

I took her from you
Make no mistake
Now you remember how much longer
Were those days and nights

You spent with me

Agronomy

We're all faced with times
Of great abandon
Forced to deny ourselves our own bounty
Be mindful which seeds you sew from the harvest

A second bad season closes the farm

Running Game

When choosing between
Two lovers
You will always choose the wrong one
As they have

Half a heart only pumps life out or death in

Golden Handcuffs

These days there are plenty
More things we ought to do
Than ought not to do
Rarity has always been over-valued

Go, chase tradition

Showcase

Now I'd say
Me and love are
Well past the honeymoon phase
It's time to get serious

The movie's over

Obligation

The fact that you can't
Prioritize me
Is exactly my point
Exactly yours as well

So I'll set you free

Destroy

At this Apple store
Celebrating my wealth 

With the child on iPad screaming 

Destroy! In his most gleeful voice

He will know even less joy than I

Now

Get in my mouth
Don't shower
You are already prepared
My fine dining

Serve it to me hot 

Legacy

All I asked for
Was dignity
And yes, I see the irony in that
I would take manufactured dignity

Over this resentment steeple chase

Crowd

Who are you today
How do you know
Who am I for that matter
This dance floor is crowded with

Who we were, are and could be

Natural State

Ice melts and
Mixes in with the ocean
Losing herself
So she boiled it all until steam

Finally, just her before him

Submission

Her reality has been washed over
By no means cleansed
Just beaten through by
A torrent of new truths revealed

Or rather, old truths no longer concealed

Portal

Lost at night
In that long dark hair
Eyes pressed in behind your head
So I can see what you see

When I open yours

Options

And yet you can still say
I want it
Knowing it's yours
I still cannot take you for granted

So this is fine for you

Uncontested

Who else will hold you
Like this
Our give these laughs
Or that release from the tension

Matter fact, who else has

Frontiersman

Meditation is analog
Perhaps sublimely so
Nonetheless it seems sort of selfish
Indulging in my own understanding

Of mysteries long since solved

Album

She set her goals down
On the vanity
Closed that door behind her
Promising a quick return

Just a few more pictures

Ocean Eyes

Grampa told him boys don't cry
He had a daughter
She searched for him in every lover
All of whom left her weeping

Now one tear has become many

Pond

Now every notion has slipped through
I'm awe struck with freedom
Crying at the blissful understanding
That I caused my own waves, but

The pond is always still

Fade to Black

Oh you're tired
Of watching this
Well I'm tired of you
Just watching it

As I unfold into nothing 

Home

Home is here
And you know it
Now take off those
Running shoes

Help me clean up this mess

So

Then you appear​
As though you never left
My pride vanquished
Free at last to admit I need you

Hoping you need me back

Sheltered

Privilege requires ignorance
Some argue, passionately, progress creates callous
Yet they would remove callous for vanity
Never to feel anything than more of themselves

Sensation​ and sensitivity seldom arrive in pairs

Freedom

I either envy or resent
This freedom you flaunt
Back and forth between whims
Leaving me either with you in the dark

Or alone under the sun

Strip

There's no coat for every season
Some are meant to shield the rain
Others are even shorter lived
Getting you through those few coldest nights

Then there's summer, when you hope to never need me

Prey

Feelings were never shared
You took them all
Now I have none to give
So when you bully around for more

I know you won't stay long

Index

Happiness is a portfolio
Diversify
The are short and long gains
Invest in both

Each day, week, relationship

Wants and Needs

I've searched for diamonds
Found coal
I've searched your eyes
Found your heart and

Both times basked in the warmth I needed

Insensitive

Thick skin
Is a hard thing to lose
You may just always try to be tough
Knowing full well how hard I already have to press

For me to touch you

Embark

Yours is the way
The path and the destination
The journey and obstacles
The adventure of my life

Your heart is the why and the how

Dating

I wanna kiss
Wet and soft
These lips are parched from
Emptying myself into words

Never knowing who they will quench

Blip

Most of them are married women by now
I suppose I have my own prizes I just
Can't understand how easily I died
How lives shrink to anecdotes

I myself can hardly remember how I felt then

Retard

I'm only revealing
Yesterday's tears
To tell the truth today
I'm happy it's come to this

It's just​ early to wear tomorrow's smile

Above

You just don't get it
I've been so afraid to admit it
Afraid to appear arrogant
Appearance, such a petty pursuit

What matters now is seeing you as you are

Flux

These days all things pass

In the blink of an eye

A thousand deaths and rebirths

Without any life between

Stillness is life relative to motion

Face It

I'm ashamed of myself
And never felt more dignity
Now that I truly see myself
I realize that ever growing shadow

Was really just me gorging on privilege

Far Cry

From there to here
Is a short drive
An instant message
But a far cry from happening

Distance is a fundamentally relative conception

Ribbons

He probably thinks

Without even a second thought

That this hurt

Is the greatest I've felt

A consolation prize I suppose

Destiny

I paid more attention
To signs
Than to the road
Where it was leading me and why

From now on, the destination

Appropriate

They order in culture
Instead of making it
Reaching down into the earth and
Pulling out fresh ingredients to create with

Once you go stale whey will order, perhaps Thai who knows

What to Bring

Friends and some family
Notions of good
Evil can stay
Everything else to the measuring scale

I challenge your weight

Depot

You won't say
I already know
You were meant for more
Than this, me

Why would you stop for me

When asked

Dear friends
You have become
Or rather now I am aware of your being
The enemy of my good nature

For you will not step down from my brother's back

Way

No need for us
Us makes a knot
Just you and me
Two feet unbound

Will choose the right path

Mutiny

When last have you
Kissed
Wanted lips
Not wanting lips

Have their desires swallowed yours

By omission

All I know is
It ain't me you're chatting up
Showing your best to
Sharing my worst with

It's only me you refuse

New Firsts

How long have
You wanted to kiss me
Since a day you don't remember
Which I would never forget

Until today

Behind Those Ears

I wish she would have a dream
The type that would
Compel her to finally give way
To joy

Instead of fun

Jacob's Ladder

What did you expect to see
Around the bend
Except more of the same
Time is neither friend nor foe

She will waste you, not the reverse

Dream On

Well of course
I want our beginnings
Without an end
That's the point isn't it

I've survived too many to fear nightmares

Not Bliss

Your favourite song and hardest cry

Deepest fear and most cherished beliefs

I ducked my chance to find them out

Until they were made known without me

My ignorance plagues me still

Search

What's the word for it
Not depressed
I can't say life is treating me unfairly
Maybe even I'm mistreating life

Dispirited, that's it

Heat of the night

In the air is
Every kiss they forgot
She faints from holding her breath
He faints from the scent of her lips

Yearning again collects their bodies before morning

Prospect

Today is the day
Final confirmation
You are over me, you've found it
Finally a new smile

One that isn't so hard to wear

Recipe

When in doubt see these words
Breathe them in, with your mouth
Taste what I desire of you
Nourish yourself on the feelings

I have baked with your ingredients

Custom

Nobody fits
Laying here on what I still consider
My side of the bed imagining
These other women in your groove

Nobody fits

Foreplay

Searching my eyes and lips
For the polemic to come
Yes, it waits for you

I know you reached out to him

I'm just enjoying your anxiety

Housewife

Give her credit though
She wears those chains like jewellery
Gracefully bound to his wealth
You'd think she knew happiness

If she ever dared to smile for you

Wilds

How far left to go
Before water
Those desert eyes leave
Me parched

I know that I might die here

Sentinel

He never shared
It's fair to say he traded
Trading is for counterparts
Not partners

A distinction I overlooked as well

Tide

No offence intended
But you're not coming with me
You can call it your choice
Soon it won't be

It was a life raft I had in store

Embrace

I don't want to let go
Until you submit to me
Until he has left your body
The last tear from his stains rung out

I'll wash both our hands of this

Bawling

Now just hush now
All this keeping the town up
When​ I ask you what's the matter
You can hardly even tell me

She can't force it no better than you can

Grab, Release

It's a bit surprising
How little love comes out
Considering how much I put in
To the memories I used tonight

It's worth exploring why I expect more

Feel Used

I collapsed in you
A hundred times
Without building you up
Died in you a dozen times more

Never brought you to life

Break From Alone

Give me one more weekend
A break before the real world
Take me back to who we were
Just bear it these few days

You can be yourself thereafter

Seduction

Some I dream of how they'd pleasure me
A select few of how I'd pleasure
Taking the shortcut, some play hard to get
Others play too seriously and for victory

Become impossible to satisfy

Face It

It's all over your face
I'm still the one
You won't see it
Until the mirror

Why are you still hiding

Casting

Haunted by the future
You cast behind
My dreams need
To forget how I forced them

To give you the role

Beachrock

I know you want the great wave
To wash away my footsteps but
You were never soft enough
For new impressions

Yours is the moss, algae, whatever grows

Conception

No you were in love
In my love every day
Bathed in it, dressed in it
Each night tucked in snug and cozy

So which of us two was out of love

Macho

Alpha, meaning first
First impulses are always selfish
He didn't win you with his dominance
You just like thinking you steer him

Always from behind

Trade

Saying inner beauty
Matters more than outer
Is like saying the Canadian dollar
Matters more than the American

Maybe sometimes

Empty

When you have nothing
Want nothing
Yours is a power over all men
For who can take from you

Without losing more in turn

Sunday

Brief as it may have been
You cleared away her storm
Along with the many before hers
Know that I seared beneath you gladly

As I know leaving early was your offer in kind

Album

Truthfully I miss
Every single picture
I spent the evening going over
Every moment we thought to record

Knowing even if you left they'd last forever

Same River

I'd call that an absolutely
Thoughtless exchange of flesh
Had I not been plagued by thoughts
Throughout the messy ordeal

We've lost it officially

Extent

But you don't dream
This isn't dreaming
This is only fantasizing
Dreams reach out for something more

Fantasies collect what you already desire

Opportunity

Not like this
If we share our bodies we
Should be giving to each other
Not taking

The price is already fair

Dusk

Get me through
Tonight
Temptation
And tomorrow

Until salvation

Anguish

I'm finally sick
Sick of it all
This whole world
Is greed and gain and

Shoving me overboard, thankfully

Lens

He's probably exactly the same
Except now when I see him
I'll be brave enough to admit
That his lifestyle annoys me

Like his mannerisms and world view

No Snacking

We're both full
Maybe you hated the veggies
While I loved them but the
Point is we're both fed and we'll

Make it to the next meal better off

Instigate

Yes I pushed your buttons
To rouse you from your slumber
I'm unashamed in pushing you
On a path that might just

For the first time lead you to me

Stupor

She begged him to come out
Knowing it was a last resort
Perhaps after one too many
She would have found love

Before finding the floor

Pulse

This isn't working she said
But her words were an echo
He had told her months ago when
She held his unresponsive hand

Unable to find in him any remaining warmth

Species

So much of their existence
The origins of their greatest
Perceived pains and pleasures
Amounts to nothing more than

Misunderstanding one another

Faith

You have to really take a look
At the experience of belief
Take a child, completely dependent
Tell them out there is the answer to their fears

It would in fact be ignorant of them not to have faith

Notions

I don't think money
Is the root of all evil
Evil is self-interest and
Self-interest precedes money

Money only describes all evil

Jamaican

I don't want to
Burn in your fire
Nor do I wish to
Put out your flame

Yet I am the wood and the water

Jacket in Hand

I'm not ready
I'm definitely close though
I've been alone since before you left
There are no more lessons to learn

From solitude, only lessons to accept

Too Good

I hoped for more
It comforted me to know
What we had was not enough
So that I could bask in that hope

I hated when you stole that from me

Sweet Nightmares

I had a dream you died
Mom was reading your obituary
The grief of having been so petty
To resent your trying to love me

Forced me to wake up, forever

Ignorance Is

It stopped feeling like

I was stealing away her days

When she kept asking for more

I only remembered when

She stopped asking for more

Marathon

This weekend was hard
In search of peace I've forgotten
That fighting with you was harder
So I missed you twice over, wondering if

Starting again is truly any worse than starting over

Sunday Morning

I haven't made breakfast
Since I last made it for us
French toast disgusts me
The thought of it eating alone

Is itself unappetizing

At the Tone

I'll stop calling out
Leaving all these​ messages
Is unfair since we both know
You can't call me back

I just miss your voice

Behind the Scenes

I miss you, delete
I want you, delete
Hey I shouldn't say this but
If I had it my way tonight, delete

I hope you're doing okay

Garden of Cats

That bitch next door
Actually complained on me
While turning the soil for the spring
I lashed at her in furious sarcasm but felt

Maybe we both miss when her complaints were justified

Weakness

I wouldn't say I feel
More able than before
Solitude perhaps affords
Me more time for what matters

Which is why I use it all on you

Strength

I hate doing the right thing
It didn't make you want me then
It doesn't give you a chance to now
Why does the right thing feel so wrong

I just want you to tell me you're on your way

Didn't Mean Anything

But you kissed him
Drunk as you say you were
You found a place in your heart
For him that I will never occupy

So he can have the bit that I did

Thanksgiving

We were lucky
Both of us wretches
Somehow receiving affection
Having done little to deserve it

While a million other souls can only dream

All For One

Wish you were here
Sometimes for just one night
Other times for every night
But never zero nights, and

Never anything​ between one and every

Love Nest

This place I built
Collapsed over us
What's the sense in
Starting over again if I

Only know how to build it one way

Serum

Laying here among the wreckage
It's hard to believe only days ago
We were tearing this place apart
In search of a few more drops

Of the potion that convinced us to stay

Dwindling

I know there's no
Perfect girl out there
Even the perfect relationship
Is not a fair floor standard but

I hope it's not too late for perfect timing

Waves

My relationship with loneliness
Is honestly more peaceful than
Feeling alone in my relationship
This feeling won't last I'm sure but

Neither will the sorrow that follows

Stubborn

I consider my flaws
The things I would have changed
Perhaps also the things I will change
Not the things you want changed

I consider those preferences

Upstairs

I know you know
This just isn't fair
He should be mine
We should be together

Feel free to intervene

The Team

I've heard you are
Your five closest friends
All of mine are sluggish today
Woefully inanimate in the face

From nothing more than everyday life

Buzz

It isn't you
It's just a work email
Why would you message today
How would I even feel if you did

What would I even say back

Attention

You, me, us,
Money, friends, lovers
Clothes, cars, houses
Dancing, movies, romance

Why are they only distractions now

Venting

You throw these
Daggers in the air
Knowing where they will fall
And take no credit for the rain

When I am soaked in your words

Impetus

A lot of what I did for you
Was not a result of you
Deserving it but rather of having
Poor self-esteem, albeit accurate

Seeing as ultimately you never wanted me

Teeter

In my youth I neglected simplicity
In my search for complexity
Only to grow and despair complexity
On an endless search for simplicity

In relationships too

Humble Opinion

Truthfully I hate myself and
Love myself for the wrong reasons
I should be ashamed of my advantages
And proud of my shortcomings, given most of

My advantages were afforded and shortcomings earned

Wilting

Surely there's more to getting older than
This senseless pruning of past happiness
I drink only what I need and get in enough sun
But I don't even know what I'm growing towards

When time again I'm trimmed, they say for my benefit

Method

Have no feelings
Which is not to say repress
Or be an uncaring jerk
Just understand how much time

You spend consuming your emotions

Honesty

I may have cheated on you
But your betrayal was far worse
Yours was every single day, every moment shared
I lied to him for a night, kissing him knowing he's not the one

For months you kissed me knowing it was the same lie

Saw Through

Halfway through I thought
She probably wrote two notes
One, in case I unlocked a final hope for us
The other, setting us free from our terminal pains

I kept going because the second note was complete

Roadie

He needs someone
To envy him
He doesn't have his own
Reason to journey on but he can

Handle the drive if fueled by my attention

Unhinged

An honest thank you to the universe

I can feel everything being stirred 

I know that my despair for the discarded

Is simply my fear of life after the cage

This freedom is terrifying 

Before Bed

I used to be more than this
What happened to me
I cared about the important things
I wanted a life beyond sensation

Where am I

Plunge

You may find it unfair
My ability to express to you a depth
You cannot reach but you know is there
I too find it unfair that you express a depth

I cannot reach but you know is there

Stop Gap

In my attempt to not remain 

Here, in this place of sheer misery

Each day I try my hand at a spiritual surgery

Without, it seems, the proper tools for the job

I think I have cut into this heart for the last time

Come True

The life is pouring out of me
That's my dramatic way of saying
While I don't struggle with the meaning of life
I can't understand why the the life ahead would

Be any better than the life I had, since both were dreams

Allure

I was drawn to her subtlety
The massive sexuality she harboured
In simple unassuming clothing and a
Guarded disposition when probed with emotion

Until flesh and throbbing revealed hot amber within

Talent

Being good at relationships
Seems now like a childhood talent
An aptitude that no longer interests me
I uses to speak love, I'll tell them when asked

Knowing now that it serves me no more than French

Change Room

I'll never look at you
Without love in my eyes
If you ever think I've dressed you
In garments that are beyond your worth

Take note of how well my love fits on you

Cruise

Waiting is not patience

Patience demand I walk

But not run to my future

Along the way I hope you 

Also disembark your past

Duty

When you were lost
I felt it was my
Duty to find you
Now that you're found

You feel it's your duty to lose me

Blockade

You're standing firm
Between me and him and
I respect that but try to understand
I haven't been shifting left and right

From your affection to drag you into this useless dance

Fear Being Alone

The clouds have passed
And I am truly alone
This is not solitude or peace
It is the whirlwind I can only survive

By having it sweep me off to a new thrill

Cast Off

Now I'm free to hurt
To feel my skin swell with rage
Bruise from the pressure
Then remind me I have not heeled

With each of my new lover's touches

Losses

Vanity dictates
Most of your decisions
Let's face it, insecurity
Dictates most of mine

So who loses more often

Soap Box

My religion has
A better God than yours
My God put answers
In all the places where

Yours cannot be questioned or found

Want from you

Kiss these words away
It's as simple as that
It's what I want now
Wanted this whole time

You must know this by now

Picking Fights

I can't tell how much
Of treating her this way
Is my trying to get her
To end this for us, and

How much of this is just who I am

Safe Distance

From here all those ups and downs
Are as beautiful as your curves
Because they don't belong to me
If either of them were still mine

By now they would have been my demise

Subject and Object

To me it's less satisfying
Albeit far more exciting
To decide the relationship I want
And try to find it in someone

Than to decide on someone and find it's what I want

Viewpoint

Turning to God
I asked Her, why me
She replied fiercely
Here are your alternatives

Fair enough

Blame

Why am I howling
The moon is falling either way
The daylight ahead is temporary
It won't scorch you anymore than yesterday's

The night bears no blame in your feeling lost after dawn

They

They don't want me
To be in love with them
To know them better
Than they know themselves

They just want acquaintance talk

Swap Meet

Faced with this reality
I have to now become
The type of person who​
Isn't looking for you

It's mostly a buy and sale of self

Simmer

I've got to take these
Feelings off the stove
Shouldn't have put
Them on high

I'm just not good with recipes

Over

In all due respect
You're a pushover, he told me
Which was actually quite respectful
Since I was also a walkover and a step-over

But now that's over

Entrails

You know what

I haven't asked for much

Frankly I haven't asked for anything

I gave all that I have in exchange for scraps

The parts of them they'd never feed to their true loves

Ugly Specimen

It's not worth questioning anymore
Why she cannot see who I really am
When in fact I cannot either
All that I desire is outside of me

And all that I resent is inside of me

Understanding

I've spent all this time thinking
If I care enough about what they want
Through some stroke of karma they too
Will voyage deep into their lover's heart

After all, all that was there is themselves

Disregarded

At my highest moment of confidence
I'm still forced to think why don't they like me
Why couldn't they admit in a way that matters
That I'm what they've always wanted in a man

Instead of asking me to help them chase ghosts

Redo

I want a year ago
How painful is that
To know what you wanted
With all of your heart

Was a mistake

She

She's not coming back
She may be lost but
She's already been round here
She didn't ask to stay, 'cause all

She knows is here ain't where she's tryna be

Flaws

She doesn't ask me
To close my eyes
To seduce me
She does it to hide from me

Which for her has no distinction

Blackjack

When you get better
Will you go for me
Or go for better
When you get me will you

Go for better or go for me

Aunt Peggy

You showed me the importance
Of remaining strong in every breath
That is how we cherish every breath
That is our living sacrament

The cost of life is living, death is the receipt

Choking

He asked me what he could
Do to make this better
To make me forgive him
But he had already done it

He had finally freed me from his refuge

She's Not You

This waitress doesn't have your laugh
The one by the bar definitely doesn't have your smile
I could hardly wait to finish my drink and get out
Of the conversation with the one in the tight dress

I keep going to different places just to wish you were here

Meantime

I have to think
Think my way out of this
To a safehouse on the hill
Where you can find me and relieve

My mind​ to pursue its dreams​ of grandeur

Storms

I've walked the whole way home
Myself, under the bitter crackle
Of unseasonal freezing rain
And as it turns out after I dried off

I was fine

Leisure

I used to enjoy the idea
Of everyone enjoying themselves
Now I see how much evil is in
Sitting here by my wellspring

Afraid of a thirst I have never known

Resort

My body is his playground
His body is my beach
I don't want to explore it
I just came here to unwind

And take in the warmth of his embrace

Backside

I hope he beats it into me
All that love of his
I would give anything to feel
What I assume he's​ getting out of this

Harder, please God, harder

Assisted Masturbation

She can't see her face
And forgets that I can
Closing her eyes so tightly
To try and be here with me

Trying not to see the mist between us

Natural

He thinks he understands
He doesn't see how hard I tried
To force out affection until
I just couldn't lie anymore

And I hated how true his feelings were

Doesn't Add Up

But I'm still left wondering
Why were you that nasty
I just don't buy that you were
Punishing yourself through me

When tormenting me became a game

Shells

I'm afraid to feel excited
In the face of successive small wins
As I was afraid to feel disappointed
In the face of successive small losses

Worst of all, I'm afraid I feel nothing now

Buckle Down

Spent all that time
Worried about the far off
Until it came crashing into today
Now today, and today, and today again

Is my only hope for tomorrow

Fencing

Look at you
Hurting yourself like that
Instead of hurting me with the truth
You need to stop silencing your heart

Before it silences you for good

Heavy

I don't want to search for you
I think it's time you just found me
I've left enough impressions
Heavy as I am in mass and disposition

When will you endeavor to move me

Frozen

I know you can hear me
Though pride has sealed my lips
I'm reaching across the room
Presenting you with my cold shoulder

Waiting for a warm word to break me free

Bon Voyage

There will be hills to climb
And of course the deepest trenches
But after all of the effort and pain
When you finally make it to the flatlands

Your heart will have found its true desire

Consolation

For the better
Is pretty assumptive
When you have no clue
What life has in store

For a worn down lover

Grateful

He knew he had to discard
The scent of her hair in his sheets
Before it turned into an odour
At which point he thanked her

Realizing she had done the same

Saturday Night

Across town is a girl
Who wished she loved me
And it hurts just as much as the
Girl across town that wished I loved her

They're both short on love and my pockets are out

Oncology Unit

I don't have one anymore
Not even a single day to waste
After seeing her in that bed holding
Onto every minute despite the pain

I can't let this feeling take away another moment

Outta Here

Honestly fuck you sadness
You've given me nothing
Except more of you
Which I don't want

Anymore than​ they want me

Nuzzled

This time I swear
Is the last night I lay
Hugging your pillow and
Smelling your remnants to fall asleep

To think I used to admonish these fallen hairs

Trials

He deserves his closing argument
Look at him trying to prove his case
I know he wants to put me away for life
As though I haven't already sentenced myself

He shatters my innocence but for leaving I am not guilty

Stains

I promised myself
I would do the laundry
Specifically the bedding
Wash clean our last embrace

At least from the place where I dream

Nights

Oh right, this feeling
The crippling silence you
Want to deafen but know
You should embrace until

You can let go of the sound of her last words

Stalled

It was so easy to tell myself

That I didn't want to do anything

With anyone except you

Now there's nothing I can do with you

So nothing is what I'm busy doing

Zoo

I'm out of lovers
They all want to forget me now
Or worse, they want who they
Wanted me to be for them

It's harder to love a tiger outside the cage

Remains

You're still in the sheets
As well as on the couch and in the
Second chair at the breakfast table
I haven't moved a thing since you left

As a second attempt at keeping you

Three Two One (March 21)

You're on your way now
Got everything you needed
You've dislodged your thruster
Because you only needed me for

Lift-off

Free Ride

While you're in there
Dancing back and forth
I'm out here in the cold waiting
For you to even decently indicate

Whether you're coming or just enjoying yourself

Havana Moon

Patience isn't always
Rewarded, in fact I'd argue
Panic more often gets the prize
I can only hope the pay for all this wait

Comes seldom but in handsome fashion

Relief

She's hasn't had
This much relief
This much pep to her step
For as long as I've known her

All it took was showing her the exit

Bojangles

I'm a comedian
With old material
I traded myself
For their laughter

Now there's none left

Palliate

How do you plan a sunset
Do you start with the fading sky
Or focus on the bright horizon
Do you despair the fallen sun

Or make amends with the rising moon

Effort

As if he thinks
It makes it any easier
Knowing how hard he tries
And how difficult it is

For him to love me

Packing

Gather your things
Along with your feelings
Our memories too
I've noticed the boxes by door

And I know it's almost month end

Sleepless

This mattress
Is jagged stone
This pillow has been
Hot asphalt on both sides

Each night since you left

Dark Night

If this ends
It will be more peaceful
Than if it continues
As it is with any death, but

I have no use for peace without bliss

Different Pages

It's hard to tell
That I'm here
In this room with you
Were this a screenplay for lovers

It would need much stage direction

Touch

You've avoided my lips
For over a week
And my hands
As best as you could

For longer than I can remember

Room and Bored

I too seek refuge
From this poor provincial life
While my open doors have not
Protected you from the banalities of the town

Do you not desire the nightly reprieve of my made bed

Crust

I am the rubble
That surrounds diamonds
After so many torturous years alone
When my beautiful work is unearthed

I will not even have labours to give me worth

Laundry

He waits until we're in public
He wants everyone to see
What little he sees in me
Ganging up to knock me down

Until someone agrees he can do better than me

Love Slave

Addictions tend to masquerade
Themselves as indulgences
While we think we are leaping to love
It's the loneliness we're fleeing

That sweetest escape from the pain of self

Circular

She thought of me
All on her own
I invited her in
But you invited her over

When you didn't think of me

Bare

We forgot this is paradise
This sweltering sunlight
We prayed for under the rain clouds

Now the passionate heat renders us naked

So truly nothing between us is hidden or unseen

Last Lap

If this race was
Truly far from any hope
I too would saunter to the finish line
But since we both agree it's a close one

Let's give our last lap everything we've got

Bedrest

There's more need for sleep
And less need for dreams
From this, I need lots of rest
But hardly more motivation

I know I deserve more

Adrift

I keep having
To remind myself that
I'm not in love with you
It's easier than knowing

You aren't either

Balm

With one stroke
Of your finger
Along the edge of mine
You salve the remainder of my body

As worry departs my skin like steam from fresh bread

Off Your Pulpit

Perhaps religion
Is the worst thing
To happen to faith
And perhaps my devotion to you

Made it impossible for me to be faithful

Deal

I see the light in you
I'll help you find it
If you help me with mine
I know where mine is

I just haven't been able to spark it

Bestowed Upon

I cry someone else's tears
Never my own
Every time we fight
She had the same problem with you

I've only inherited her labour of facing your fears

Silent Treatment

She has a voice
He's never heard it
Under his it hardly whispers, but
Like a precious stone lost in his deep well

Her silence demands he hearken her faintest sound

Care

He really thinks
Taking care of me
Is the same thing as
Caring about me

And he sticks to his strengths

Allegiance

Ain't no black stars
On that there flag
Ain't gonna be any never
Don't go off thinking any

Brown or yellow stars coming any sooner

Knelt Before

You know your silence is a
Canon ball that sits in my heart
I can hardly pump life into myself
Let alone us, with this weight in my chest

I hope you see that I'm at your feet

Three Six Five

We've made the great voyage
From the light side through darkness
Sailed smooth and over those rocks too
And now that we're back to where we started

I'm just waiting to round the sun with you again

Left Unattended

The last time you tasted me
I was well overdone
Charred, tough and bland
I watched you soldier through

The feast you know you spoiled

Hidden Agenda

I hardly believed you
Though I truly wanted to
When you said from the heart
That you think we are a match

How could I ever believe you now

Content

The religious today
Are more concerned​ with sharing
The content of their religion
Than the substance of it

They share what they possess

Hindsight

I regret not accepting
A love like yours where
I never had to question
Now there is certainly no question

Nobody loves me as much as you

Back and Forth

Restless in my presence
At peace as she travels away
She thinks she lives in the moment
But she's just afraid of the future

And I reckon reliving her past

To the Point

My stories were
What made you stay
Perhaps the only thing
Now they're my daily reminder that

For you the clock is ticking on us

Incessant

There shouldn't be any
Crickets in the winter
What is that horrible noise
Why won't it let me sleep

So many voices but not my own

Let Cupid

Let them rain down

Let them draw blood

Let them pierce flesh and spring tears

These arrows are surgeon and nurse if they

Let me find the way to your heart

Playing Field

Notice how quickly
The game of love
Turns into the game of war
And when it's played without goals

How closely we keep score

Freely Linked

We love it when
Our arms are locked
Bur our hands aren't tied
No pulling or obligation

Just excited to see the show together

Waves

You're not
Playing with fire
Treating me this way
You're playing with water

You'll drown before I crash

Ghost

I'm tired of you
Choosing when I exist
And when I do not
Yet if the choice is left to me

You still get to decide if I even have one

Vacancy

I could have stayed
For what it's worth
Enjoyed him like a
Good, stable job with decent pay

Until a more enthused applicant arose

Dwelling

Alone again
Home again
I keep leaving
And keep returning

To these painful open arms

Functional

I have kept myself
Together, hard
I need buckets
Of tears now

To remold myself

Sooner

Come here before
I erect a mountain between us
Forcing you to journey great lengths
To prove this is where you want to be

Or deafen me from your lack of footsteps

Stirring

Compassion
Why did you leave me alone
With devotion and without reciprocity
I have drank from this bitter mixture faithfully

Hoping it serves as medicine and not poison

This Year

The despair of this year
Has been the closing of eyes to the truth
The opening of the ears to noise
The bellowing of the mouth to falsities

The crippling silence of hearts that no longer beat

Waves

It's always so rough
You crash into my flesh hoping for
It to be over, me to be over, soon
So you can go back to the pleasing yourself

In a room where I am yet to belong

While there's time

I've chased your gratification
Leaving my own in the dust behind me
I don't know what I actually want
Now that pleasing you has revealed its transience

How could I not chase after the eternal

Relief

I don't love you
Saying this to you has been
The most satisfying feeling I've had
Since you told me you love me

In fact, it has been far more satisfying

Stifled

Fine, you win
I am completely flaccid
You've invalidated me to the point
That I no longer have faith that

I can be desired from anywhere but afar

I'm going out

This isn't it
Not for a lifetime, no
What a waste of two lives
To spend bickering over love

Instead of going out and finding it

Balance

I have walked along
A most dangerous line
Which borders constant realization
And constant dissatisfaction

Watching bliss cross over territories freely

Edifice

Ironically the version of me
You are working so hard to
Acquaint yourself with
Is a damn illusion

Today has become a crucial new day

Clouds

Again it is such
That I have not dreamed
For many months on end
Instead I replay my daily slumber

Auditing my supposed awakenings

Depleted

It makes me
Something less than weak
To know I will never again
Have you between these arms

Weaker still to know I will have her

Snore

Each breath of yours is thunder
From a distance I crave it
The sound of your rolling rumble
From close I am struck with terror

With only your embrace as refuge from the storm

Seaside Buffet

I've traveled many places
Nowhere as warm and pristine
As between your supple thighs
I will gladly dine along these shores

Until your ocean tide consumes me

Oasis

Your lips are
The last drops of water
I wouldn't have made it
Across this desert plain

Without these to look forward to

Denial

It's agony both ways
Not knowing where you are
Just knowing you're not here
Or knowing where you are

And knowing you're not here

In the Dark

Will you find me
In our darkest hour
Will you hear my voice
In the quiet of the night

Or is it the abyss you long for

Fixated

This watched pot boils
Just as quickly and furiously
As had I ignored it
My patience yields only more

Excitement and expectation

Seasoned

Today is the shortest
And in fact the darkest day
Let it be so, I don't mind
If all this darkness truly means

The days ahead are ripe for more light

Apocalypse

I want to express
The beauty in everything
Even though lately my obsession
Has been the hidden beauty

She fears will escape me once unveiled

Leverage

I want you on top
As a matter of size it's
Simpler for me to elevate you
Than you I, to new heights but

I delight in seeing you in the sky

Crumbling

She stood eroded
From his disdainful lashings
Too afraid to embrace him
Too proud to be embraced

Too embarrassed to console herself

Distinction

It's disappointing
To see you suffering
At the idea of being with me
It's disrespectful to watch you

Denounce what I have been for you

Wipe Clean

The bleeding stopped
Months ago
But if we do not sanitize
Immediately

The infection will consume us forever

Touch Wicks

My candle dwindles
It's been burning alone
For too long now
But don't despair for my wax

All I need is for you to catch the flame

For the Taking

Pleasantries after harshness
You can't plants new seeds
On scorched earth
This is all long talk and lip service

This land will never forget your cruel harvest

From Your Throne

I have pleased you fifty
Different ways with my tongue
Each time by virtue of
Listening to the voice

That you can't even here

Too Late

I totally resent you
I don't resent you so I can move on
This rush in my chest
Doesn't feel like it's protecting me

I resent you because I can no longer swallow the truth