For what it's worth and for everything that fell short of expectations this year, something quite subtle and yet quite remarkable has helped me to realize that next year will be worth looking forward to. This year I struggled against the powers that be, seen and unseen. Everyone struggles at least once with the battle between fate and freedom. This year I gained some insight in to my own struggle.
Part 1: Fate
Personally, I hate predestination in all its forms. What's the point, I figure? When I think about what I do in life and why I do it, I realize that I normally motivate myself to do what is not expected of me, sometimes what I don't even expect of myself. I chose my degree because it's the only one I never imagined myself a part of, for better or worse; business. With everything else I either imagined myself doing poorly in it, or I imagined everyone else expecting me to do well in it. Business was the only discipline that would make everyone, including myself, say, "Really? You?" And once that happened, the opportunity availed itself to allow me to pursue it full force. Without boring you with a thorough analysis, I'll just shortly point to a few other items I've dedicated myself to in the past to spite expectations:
Asian Women
Asian Music
Career in Sales
Philosophy
Reading
Soccer
Writing
Working for a Bank
I've put so much effort into trying opportunities that surprise me and the people around me, that I've almost become fated to do so; fated to grab hold of anything that will free me from the net of fate. That can't be right. Now I start to question, as all fatalists do, whether or not these opportunities accord with some lifelong plan that I don't even know about yet. Maybe these opportunities open themselves to me at just the right time for me to develop into them. Maybe I was born to become what I never expected. I should only be so lucky - working at HP has taught me that you should always be the most interested stakeholder in your career growth plan, even when you have little or no ability to affect it.
Fated or not, I've decided to attack the next few years with a bit more purpose. There's nobody left to surprise, the only surprise left would be to take all of this potential energy and this comfortable environment and make absolutely nothing of it. That would probably shock the people who matter most, and I'm self-assured enough to suggest that it would even shock myself, to the grave.
I have this sneaking suspicion that 2009 has already been planned as a year of both development and establishment for me, but I'll have to do my part to see it through. I'm keen enough to know that stories of fate have but a single author, but legends of fate are co-written.
That said, if 2009 will be different than 2008, changes will have to take place.
Part 2: Change
"I think the true measure of freedom's victory over fate is the ability to evoke change."
-Me, just now
"It is at the very precepus of disaster that humankind evolves and changes for the better" (paraphrase)
-Intellectual Noble Prize winning Scientist in the remake of the movie 'The Day The Earth Stood Still'
When you live in the real world you learn to take the good with the bad and sometimes that means watching severely bad movies to bring one good point to your attention. Who would've thought that a movie I first valued to be not worth the free ticket I used to view it, would hold the key to a motivation that I might just carry with me for the rest of my life?
I spent this year trying to put my finger on something and I think I have it - I wait!
Until the day comes that I realize or am told that a change has to happen I do as little as possible to change. To be honest I'm pretty good when it comes to preparation. I know how to get things done on time and some people can't even say that. What I'm not so good at is doing things after the first indication that I should. Studying was just one of many litmus tests of this and I'm actually too embarrassed to outline the others. The point is I'm honest enough to admit that I ignore the amber alerts just as much as anybody else.
Now the movie described this as some kind of virtue of mankind, that when the going gets tough we come together and steer towards good, but I think that's horribly wrong. In fact, I'd say that the movie did society a disservice, by making people indirectly feel okay about the fact that they so far are nothing short of self-destructive.
If I could ask anything of my facebook notes, it would be to deliver this one point. We all wait too long to change the things that matter most.
This is why the banking sector had to be bailed out, I only heard a few quiet voices of anger towards 0-down mortgages and other examples of a cavalier loan shark mentality system. This is why we're going to bail out GM who doesn't even show any real signs that they will change after receiving their money, no more than the banks did. This is why the polar bears had to swim 60 miles to find an icecap before we cared; we were too busy building a timmies on every corner so that we don't have to. This is why smog alerts matter more now than when I was a kid. This is why our kids have ever-growing asthma and acne. This is why traffic will always get worse. This is why homes get larger but families become more distant. This is why "more is better" is celebrated as a virtue of modern economics. This is why it took a movie and a rap song for anyone to care about a conflict diamonds. This is why it takes pain and disease for people to care about diet. This is why cigarettes still exist, and are worse than when they were first created. This is why caffeine is approved for distribution and wholesale by almost every major food and drug board. This is why racial animosity is as old as the idea of 'race'.
The list goes on, but I won't. I only chipped away at so many examples because I hope people realize that every realm of human existence is affected by our unwillingness to respond to the first call - even the first call for help. In my life now and moving forward I would like to respond to the indicators, good and bad.
There are things that I do that I should not, and there are indications that I should finally stop. There are things that I do not do that I should, and there are indications that I finally should start. 2009 will simply be dedicated to creating the revolution within needed to turn these two truths around on their heads. Nothing more, nothing less.
This note has been intentionally uninspirational, because I think looking for inspiration is part of why we wait, part of why I wait. However, I will concede that I am inspired, should be a good year.
Happy Holidays!