Robes

I remember the first time I heard the phrase, 'the clothes don't make the man.' I was maybe 14 and thought to myself, 'Of course they do?' My dad dresses like a dad. I dress like I'm 14. The rest is up for debate - Integrity, wisdom, culture, spirit, good nature. By that I mean, boys and men share these traits alike. I know boys with a surprising abundance of wisdom and men with surprisingly low integrity. Really, the only fair way to label a man is by his clothing, just as we label a spider by her number of legs. For what it's worth, clothes don't make the man, but they sure as hell make the man noticeable, which arguably is more important. Perception is reality.

Those of you who feel inclined to point to boys who wore the robes of men and fooled you with their ostensible manhood, feel free. Position these candidates as proof that a man is not defined by his robes and I will add to my collection of candidates who were named men, treated as men, observed as men, revered as men, in short, men. Inasmuch as they looked like rats and smelled like rats, they were rats.

Oh you girls, I must agree, a man's clothing is his most important measure. It's ridiculous to think otherwise. How could you think otherwise? That's like saying, sunlight doesn't make the day. Sure, it's after dawn, but who really cares for a day with heavy overcast or deep fog? I'll be the first man to admit I only care if the sun is showing. As the analogy goes, girls admitted this a long time ago, positing that they can get to know a lot about a man by his footware. The truth was already there, if the man's clothing made him look like sunshine then he was sunshine, why complicate matters? Why look for sunshine in shoes that are scuffed or worse still, worn and scarred.

Again, I have to agree. I for one am tired of waiting for terminally cloudy or insufferably overcast women to show me sunshine before dusk. I am fair, and so I announce that I hope for you only to judge me by my robes henceforth. It's my job to make it painfully obvious to all that my kindness and warmth stem from a sunshine within. Understand, however, fair maidens, that I am fair, and so I announce today that I only wish to judge you by your robes, and perhaps afterwards your lack thereof.