When I was in my early childhood, about to become anything I put my heart to, around this time of year I would find myself face down. Face down in the dirt having a coach or his assistant telling me "just 20 more!" 20 more pushups, 20 more and then maybe the conditioning portion would be finished and we'd be able to work on drills. I didn't even like drills, all I really wanted to do is play free soccer score some goals and celebrate, but anything was better than conditioning.
The smell of the grass as the rain beating against the back of my head gave me strength. It made me think of England. I've never been there, but I heard it's always raining there with weather quite like this. They get so much done in England, and who knows if I become a soccer star maybe everyday will be like this. It made me think of movie perseverance. The oh-so-typical scene of rising despite the odds. Your face in the dirt. The slow rise. The orchestra playing in the background as you face your oppressor who has mostly had your number until this point, but here is where you will show that you are second to none. It made me think of my union with the world. All I needed from now until the moment of my upcoming victory was the smell of the earth and its vegetation and the nourishment of manna from the heavens in the form of cooling rain. The unstoppable Juggernaut needs no food, drink, nor shelter, nor even a path, all he needs is conflict to achieve victory.
When i was in my early twenties, torn from the idea that I could become anything I want to be, around this time of year I would find myself face down. Face down in books trying to remember what the professor told us before the midterm about the final. Face down in obligations with the councils, committees, groups, teams, and everything else I distracted myself with. Face down in life, wondering if there was a way out.
The sight of the rain outside would be a constant reminder that I am late. Buried in my own disorganization that I said I would fix. Buried in the debt that my job never seemed to resolve. Buried in the loathing that my recent failures cultivated. Buried in the demise my recent successes failed to circumvent. I would say to myself by the next rainfall I am going to have everything back in place. My room will be clean and as extension so will my life. I will have read and written everything so that my mind will be prepared to deliver and accept a B-average for this semester. And if I can just do these things I can lift the Apocalypse, the veil of my demise and look beyond the obstacles. For beyond the Apocalypse is still a world to be traveled and greater battles to engage, a life for Titans and Demigods such as myself.
Today as I watch the rain fall against the hood of my car I meet it not with anguish nor with fear, but once again, I am face down. Face down in the marketplace, as a merchant and a patron, dealing with the affairs of the common man. It's important to be noted that I asked for this. I always had a fear of living my life in this place, but I always knew that this was a demon that had to be overcome. I only hope that I can still find my way out.
Certain heroes are heroes by virtue of the fact that they were born different. Born to fight the devil and his army with their natural abilities only; a harnessing and re-harnessing of everything they were given from day one. Other heroes are heroes by virtue of the fact that they were born similar. Born to live and learn among the common man so that one day he can face a moment of gracious dissatisfaction. The moment where he turns his back on all that have attached itself to him, so that he can find the voice that has always summoned him outside. He is the hero of the people, for the people, but not by the people. He is on the path of ascension, all he has to do is open his ears and follow the voice.
Today, around this time of year, I am face down as I have been maybe my whole life. Low to the ground, listening for this year's message. In fact I've already heard it. There's actually going to be much more than 20 push-ups remaining, but i am at peace. The rain continues to fall.
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