Valentine's is rolling around. And I'm kinda happy. I like not having a girlfriend, cuz I've got no cash. I think mastercard is going to have someone come to my house and break my thumbs in about a month. They'll probably charge his services to my account too.
Normally when this time of year rolled around, I'd go from happy to sad to happy again. I'd have to stand all of the couples strutting their stuff, arrogantly asking me what my plans were for valentine's day. I used to love hearing that. "I figure I'll wake up, go to school, then during lunchtime I'll find a girlfriend, and fall in love, then invest my remaining lunch money in some stocks, make a few thousand bucks then sell the stocks before closing, then use the money I made to take my newfound girlfriend for a night of opera in Sydney cuz it's just that easy!" is what I'd sarcastically say in my head. That normally would translate to, "I dunno, what're you doin?" After 2 or 3 similar siutations, I'd be feelin bitter and alone, but then I'd feel good again as I'd walk through the halls listening to girls bitching about how valentine's day is shit, and they wouldn't even care about it if they had a man. "Yea right" i'd chuckle to myself, and that would always put a smile on my face for the rest of the day.
This year's different, I just feel bad. But not cuz I'm not with anyone. It's cuz there's nobody I want to be with. There's 1 or 2 girls I'ld like to be with, but nobody that I just have to be with. It kinda sucks. I feel like i've lost my drive (not my sex drive, I'm always lookin for somewhere to park my car for the night) but my day-to-day drive. Thinking about hot girls used to be a refreshing break from studying. Now I think about, school and soccer and my life and crap. It feels weird having legitimate concerns. What ever happened to those days when I'd genuinely care about stupid questions like, "Why don't I have a girlfriend?" and "Do people see me the way I see myself?" Now, I just don't care. Which is kind of a good thing, it's almost like a weight has been taken off of my shoulders. But, it's weird, because after being single for so long, I'm like a trained weightlifter (if u're still following the metaphor). So what does someone do when they're indifferent about love? What do people do without any struggles in life? See, there I go asking stupid questions again.
Anyway, love shmove. What has REALLY been weird in my life is the following point. School, is a lot of fun! I actually enjoy our discussions in philosophy a lot this term. Last semester, the discussions were a snooze but the book was interesting, but this semester I'm getting the best of both worlds. In economics we're studying Nash equilibrium. I find it so amazing to be sitting in a lecture while my professor is telling us, "This is what that movie A Beautiful Mind was all about, after this semester, you will really understand what his theories were about." Finance is a bitch. But I love that about it. It's going to be quite the learning experience. No more watered down, "we'll worry about that next year" crap. Now we're getting down to the nitty gritty. Astronomy is kinda boring, and so is data analysis. But if I play my cards right, they'll boost the GPA up. Then there's soccer. Our indoor team is sick. We're getting better every game. I'm getting used to the pitch downtown. I'm back in defense. It feels good, it's been awhile since I've played it, and I still get to attack every now and then. So all and all, the people are good, the classes are good, it's all good. But that's my outlook now, before reading week. Please don't call me a hypocrite when you read my blog after the finance exam!
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