Weeks 6 & 7

Hmm...
I'm confused. I'm not even sure what it is I want. My desires are always subject to change. Sometimes I think my program is the best in the school. Sometimes I would kill to be in comp. sci, math, or philosophy. Sometimes I feel like packing it all up, moving away to Hong Kong or Japan, writing a book and changing the world with my refreshing take on the facets of life. Other times, despite all my efforts I realize I have nothing of value to say. Romantically, I don't think I want a girlfriend right now. I remember last year when i would bum around and say that I wanted someone to talk to and be with and to have and to hold and to cheerish. I think what I want now is that feeling you get, when you know someone just loves the time they spend with you, and would do anything to spend more. I miss that feeling. (I guess it's human nature to want what you can't get). And it seems like every day it gets a little bit harder to reclaim that feeling, because every day it seems like there's less of me to get to know. Word around school is spreading like wildfire about me having 'yellow-fever' and my interests in the chinese culture. I'm steadily becoming 'the black guy that likes asian chicks.' I have a lot of female asian friends tho. I hope none of them get the wrong idea. What's worse is that i'm finding it harder to say, 'there's more to me then just that.' School is such a large investment of time, I hardly have enough time to pursue other interests. So i find myself projecting a shallow mirror image of myself, releasing wisecracks and pickup lines like a social Pez dispenser, soon to be void of all substance. That's pretty bleak i suppose. Ho hum.

How did I fuck up my midterms?
You know, I say that a lot. But then I take an introspective look at what I learned and how much effort I put into learning it, then I realise, "You know, i really could've done more." But this last set of exams was rather confusing. In Micro, i spent the 24 hrs preceding the exam, teaching various people all the intricacies of different parts of the course. And yet, my mark is so undesirable that I'm ashamed to admit that it's mine. I missed macro, so i didn't get that back. The class average has was a 61. If history is any lesson, then my mark isn't far off. International Business was the most depressing of them all. I knew what I had to do. I had the answers ready. I wrote as much as I could, but there wasn't enough time. I feel like I don't even deserve full marks for any questions b/c I know for every question that I had more stuff to say, but I had to move on to the next question. Accounting was alright. All praises due to Almir for supplying me with past exams. What a sad commentary on my life though - accounting was the best part of my week.

What's going on?
Elliot Smith committed suicide the other day. I've listened to some of his songs for hours on end. What does it take to convince a man of only 34 years that it's not worth it to face another day? Apparently, not much. That wasn't intended to make light of the situation, i can honestly say i'm rather saddened by it. If you don't know him, he's the guy singing in the background during all the songs in Good Will Hunting. If you're into soft acoustic folk music, i recommened him.


Gotta end off on a positive
Eev's birthday part was pure good times!! I'm proud of that girl. 11 drinks, and she was fine the next day. She's growing up fast. The whole night was fun. I showed Oxxx how Jamaicans move their bums, then i was attacked by Amy and Christine and they showed me how east-asians move theirs!!! Those girls are too cool. Good times. Hot as hell in there at times tho. Meh