Well something had to change today. I think I'm done here.
This blog is proof of the Allegory of the Cave. Here I am, talking to shadows, waiting for them to respond. Not with words, for shadows cannot speak, but with movements and gestures. Every now and then words bounce off the walls these shadows are cast upon, and it sounds like a new truth, new advice to follow. But we are all just shadows, us viewers of this blogspace. The real people are out there, outside the cave. If you asked me anytime before today I would have said that these are the real people, that this is the real me. These words sent and received are reality, not what everyone else sees. Even when I step outside the cave, while my eyes work just fine, I don't recognize you or I as human. No, I can't see that you and I are just human. We laugh, we try, we fail, we succeed, we deceive, we despair, we hunger, we sloth. All the humans are outside doing things, but I'm in this cave talking to shadows.
Six years ago, I had my second surgery and I told myself that one day a day of great change would come about, and I would no longer need to write my notes from the underground. I really didn't think it would take six years. Somewhere in that time my ladder became my tomb and I was encapsulated by my notes, suffocated by these words. But a few moments, a few people, a few desires, kisses and yes even a few words have set me free and given me the will to climb free. So now I will.
This blog retires today. It will merge into my Google+ account and my job is to make sure that it represents the man on the outside of the cave. The introspection is superfluous now, we've reached atomic levels. Let the physicists ponder our strings, my eyes are set towards the celestial fabric that binds us all. I will share only this journey. Let my quiet cave thoughts remain only in those caves where I once dwell; where no other man dear journey.
The world did end today, my world. It was already ending but today I have to be at peace with it. Next year I turn 30. Next year I publish my first work for sale, next year (hopefully) I'm back in school, next year I move out, next year I complete my true sales training, next year I actually put myself first. It's a new era for me; I won't be who I am. It's time to put my adolescence behind me. There's no rum left to drink.
Thanks Yvonne for introducing me to this world. Thanks to the yous who know who you are, for visiting me in the dark places where only the truly loving and caring would venture.
Also thanks to all the randoms worldwide who have visited this page over time.
2 comments:
Darkness is always searching for light, even when all it ever knew was darkness. I am glad you have found the will to climb out.
As a reader you want to seek out knowledge and growth through the stories of others. Sometimes to affirm that you're apart of this "fabric". Sometimes you want clarity and expansion in your horizons because you get that sense you're going down a tunnel that's beginning to sku your vision. Most times it's to confirm life is always moving and you will along with it.The resilience of the human condition.
Thank you for provoking deeper self reflection in ourselves. Your words have been analysed, dissected, deciphered, understood and always respected. In your confusion and in your knowledge your perspective has always been appreciated.
There are many worlds to discover and you allowed me to venture in yours, thank you. You taught me not to take words for face value, but to search deeper into the depths of their intentions. Deeper into the depths of my own intentions.
Through destruction comes creation, with the end of this world I hope your seed flourishes in a new valley. Perhaps some of us other seeds will find the same wind, if not, may we all flourish wherever creation takes us nonetheless.
xox
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j3tB82dGhSA
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