For those of you who were likely going to ask me, "So how was your trip to Jamaica?" the short answer is "Great!" But for anyone who wants something more detailed, I kept a running diary going whilst I was there. Day 1 is slow, but it picks up. Don't worry, it looks long but there's pictures.
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Jamaica Day 1 - A little history
'See Goat' my mom says to me as we drive in the air-conditioned bus from Montego Bay airport to the hotel.
New highway, they depaved the old side street due to all the traffic from the airport to the resorts. On the lefthandside resorts, intertwined with swamps and wrecked infrastructure - 'hurricane tax' I call it - on the righthandside, shanty towns and jerk stops. Further in the distance you can see the big houses 'up ina di hills.' The smart investment if you want a summerhouse here, less chance of damage, but anyway the north coast is made for those who cam afford to buy such houses.
Red sand everywhere after we pass Falmouth. I wonder if boxite is still a leading export in Jamaica. There were three major companies before, but Reynolds pulled out after robbing the people and country's infrastructure, Kaiser and Alcan are still in the works we think. Idle thoughts for an idle voyage. The air conditioning is frigid on this bus - I'm all for comfort but to be fair I came here for heat. The music selection is market segmentation at its best, they really want to remind white people why they chose Jamaica and not Cuba. After a couple familiar tracks they threw in the Bob Marley 'Legend' cd; good album, still. Regardless I have my mp3 playing now, so much for authentic experiences.
This really is the land of the wood and water. The forestry is most impeccable, and all the trees are baring. Between my aunt and I, only one of us can spot ripe breadfruit from the bus, I'm a humble cityboy.
Porto Seco was my moms beach growing up. It was public so anyone could use it. Jamaica passed legislation recently to make all beaches public so that the resiedents could exercise their right to enjoy their own land. After the 1990s, they really are fearful of the rest of the world abusing them, rightfully so.
Claremont and St. Ann's Bay we just bipassed, that my mom's area. We're going to finally visit it this time. I'm excited to see where she grew up. That's later this trip. Now we're passing Jacksol and Mammee bay, my moms excited. Staretown is where my grandfather's from, never met him. Some new houses have developed near the coast, some real mansions. Now we have reached the Riu hotel. Grande indeed. Noooo nooo noooooo. Gotta get checked in.
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There's something different about the way the waves crash against the shore in Jamaica. It's unfair to compare it to Toronto, they're in different leagues, but I'm still amazed by how unique this feeling is. The sky doesn't quite touch the water but it feels so close. Closer than the fruit even.
As I write, I just fended off this guy I've named Aquafresh; a beach hustler with buck teeth. He 'works' the Marina as such. A jack of all hustles, his latest today was to trade me some herb for the food I can get for free here. I declined. I don't actually feel bad because he will eat tonight, my pious non-thievery notwithstanding. I'm quite far from the buffet and not in the mood to get up. I told him I would tomorrow - I meant it - if he finds me. I don't even know what I'm gonna do with the weed with no papers, maybe I can bargain that in tomorrow.
My cousin I think can read my seclusive impulses the best and he sees me at most once every two years now. He threatened to beat down my door if he doesn't see me at the concert and club tonight. Day 1, I'll show my face. I wish I could have brought my girlfriend, she would have enjoyed this. She also probably would've got Aquafresh the food for me.
I'm so tired, who pulls an all-nighter the night before his vacation? Blasted work. I ought to head over to the show, I don't think I'll survive the discoteca tonight. Final remark, not a mosquito as yet.
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Jamaica Day 2 - A lesson in humility, lost
They say New York is the city that never sleeps, I think they say something similar about Toronto. Regardless, Jamaica's louder than them both. Maybe I just got used to the sounds of traffic but these waves are thunderous when they hit the shore and the crickets have a unique Jamaican loudness.
I've settled in here, I'm eating too much. All-inclusives are a pain for those who aren't naturally inclined to moderation. Indeed, there is no spirit of Che beneath my actions here - I do not mind being served like a fat cat. Maybe I'm a victim of privilege, more probably I'm just in a selfish mood. What constitutes justifiable selfishness? Can a man vacate from having consideration, or am I committed to living for others with every breath that I take and so forth?
Today a different hustler approached my brother with a weed exchange proposition. He declined, but then my brother felt the need to offer something. Interesting situation, my brother offered him the rest of his Red Stripe (beer), he walked closer towards us and said, 'Listen, don't do that to me, I wouldn't do that to you.' ('What?') 'If I was offering you something I wouldn't give you something you already started, go get me a rum and coke!' ('I just figured you would want it, and I was going to throw it out here.') 'Then throw it out! Hey, in life don't do things that make me feel down here, you know, small.'
...interlace short scene with security intervention...
'Arite brothers, hey no worries about before, peace and love.' Exit hustler stage left.
I think if I heard this 6 months ago I would've thought this man taught my bro a life lesson in humility, but, here is my conjecture:
My brother got the beer from me, I gave it to him in exactly the same fashion as he offered it. I opened a beer I was never going to finish and gave it to him after a sip. Later, he offered the rest to the guy. My brother felt no insult or malice from me when I offered it, as we are equals, so why did the hustler feel the need to highlight the supposed insult of offering something half-used. I think it's mainly that we are in a position of have and he of have-not and so this gesture was insulting to him as it reminds him of this separation.
Now, my brother could (should?) have been extra sensitive to the situation and gone out of the way to negotiate something that would keep the man's pride in tact, but it's really not his job to tiptoe around the man's ego. Besides, we both knew there was a bit of hustling involved, the man really just wanted a rum and coke, not a Red Stripe. Second, the hustler knew security would have got involved if there was an exchange so he did my brother a favour by not taking it and tried to throw in a life lesson as a distraction.
All the same, he was a man of integrity and pride, I wonder if either or both of those qualities landed him where he is today.
I want to say more about today but i think my phone just broke.
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Jamaica Day 3 - Roots, Rock, Reggae
'Babylon ah pull ova' - The police pulled someone over, we all laughed.
We found out our driver is from the same place as my Grandfather. We just dropped off the tour guide lady at Dunn's river falls. We're gonna go through Fern Gully now. The last hurricane mashed it up, going to see what it's like now. We're on our way to the Bob Marley Mausoleum. Now we're in the original Ocho Rios, there was one road and one roundabout in my parents' day, you either go left or right. It's more developed now though, big marketplace.
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30 minutes later up the hill, Beechamville Methodist Church. My mom's church. Sometimes when she and my aunts were late, they'd stop at the Anglican church St . Matthews instead, higher on the hill, but closer for them; but this is their church. Some of my great aunts and uncles were buried here. My mom is so excited, I wonder what it will be like when I show my kids my old stomping grounds, nearly as exciting?
Ferncourt highschool just further up the hill. Welcome to Claremount. Free range cows in a pasture so high up in the mountains, never would've expected that. Some of my mom's stories from childhood are starting to make sense. She wasn't joking about the climb of these hills. At some places the road is so narrow cars have to backup until we find a place that's wide enough to pass by each other. We passed about 2 cars rolled over in a ditch and the frame of a tour van that slipped all the way over the side. It's a scary sight and a scary drive.
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The Mausoleum was an experience. This is why you come to Jamaica. I'm glad I came without my own money, I would've bought more. The tour was simple and superb, every Bob fan should go once - Mecca indeed. My takeback visions include 'The Single Bed' from Is This Love, and the meditation rock from whence Bob would lay, perform sacrament, seclude, read the good word and write songs. Nothing else was needed today to make it a complete day.
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Jamaica Day 4 - Isn't it Romantic?
Today was my cousin's wedding, a beautiful ceremony. I felt honoured, I tied the groom and best man's half-windsor knots as they changed in my room. I feel like an adult. I can still remember struggling in front of a computer screen trying to tie my first tie for highschool prom, reading the reversed directions and diagrams. My dad's lessons didn't stick. Now I'm here tying neckties for these two grown men. I absolve the term 'adolescent' and cordially accept the title of 'young adult.' I'm 25, after all. I think I'll send my child to private school so he doesn't face these routine elements of manhood so late in life.
Anyway, the wedding has actually turned me off of the idea of doing a resort wedding, for the following reasons:
i) It's piss hot! Notwithstanding the 1km jog I made (plus 5 flights of stairs) to get my aunt's slippers right before the ceremony, in my suit, I was sweating buckets. Good thing I wasn't the groom, the nerves alone would make me sweat. My cousin was sweating, my brother, sweating. I sweat enough in Toronto, let alone the Caribbean.
ii) I stepped on a Sea Urchin 1hr before the ceremony. Again, good thing I wasn't the groom.
iii) Some randoms, in their bathing suits, had the nerve not just to watch our private ceremony, they walked into the ceremonial area taking creeper cam photos. One we had to ask to move because he was in the photographer's photos for the bridal party. Are you kidding me? Which leads to my last problem...
iv) Resorts dont really care. It's not their business to, they've got too many mouths to feed. We're just another party with a reserved section, here and there. I demand more intimacy and attention at my wedding, sorry.
I love the destination idea, the excursion weeds away the guests you never wanted there anyway, but I'm going to fly my people somewhere cold and remote. I'll sweat through the honeymoon. Why is it called honemoon anyway?
Regardless, the ceremony and reception were the bomb. Stupid idea or not (remember, see urchin thorns in foot) I never thought I'd dance the Soulja Boy with my mom and cousins on a beach. I had to force her onto the 'floor' (we partied on the sand). She liked the 'supaman that ho' part of the dance. I don't have the heart to tell her what any of the lyrics mean.
Anyway, my foot hurt after that, so I sat out the other dances and skipped the club. I used the time to call my girlfriend and soak in the romance of the night.
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Jamaica Day 5 - Life Equals Water and Chicken
We got rest of the Sea Urchin thorns out last night. Good thing I brought my OHIP card, 2 Ontario nurses were on the scene in no time. That's actually a joke, my mom and aunt are both nurses. In total I think 15 thorns were in my foot. Not bad considering I'm assumng the crunch I heard under the water meant I killed the bugger as he stung me. Anyway, a painful hour of squeezing, tweezing and disinfecting later, my feet are back in action.
So I was ready to tackle the Cool Runnings tour; highly recommended if you're into water stuff. First there was snorkling. I must admit, I was a virgin and too proud/ashamed to take lessons. Anyway a minute or two of breathing in water through my pipe and then I learned how to put the mouthpiece on properly. It was fun, but I was scared of touching anything after yesterday's urchin attack.
Next came the climb up Dunn's River falls - 960ft of rock, covered with pouring white waterfalls. Dangerous at most places, but easily negotiable with some balance and common sense. Today is Independence Day for Jamaica, a national holiday. The British left in 1838 I think. (Why do they always leave in the summer?) Anyway, 1/2 the population of Jamaica were chilling at the falls. Any details of the climb I think would ruin the experience for you, so I'll just say for me it was unique, so you should go too.
After that we partied at sea with a little 1hr boat cruise bonanza. Big waves made dancing harder but more enjoyable. As has gone most of the week, I wish my girlfriend was here.
The other half of Jamaica's population was at KFC, we found out tonight. My brother had the brave idea to get their BBQ chicken tonight since we have reservations for the rest of the trip at the resort. We took it back to the resort. The looks of shock, disgust, envy, were all expected and well worth the taste of Jamaica's KFC BBQ sauce which is different than the States' or Canada's. Suffice it to say I have typed this entire message laying on my side, and must now take a brief bathroom break.
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A brief reflection on all inclusive resorts and relationships:
I originally started keeping this journal to keep my Cheeni ('Sugar') informed of my goings-on, but as I call her everyday anyway, this has evolved into a story which is as much for me and you as it is for her.
I have to say, a resort can be a good place to meet people and hook up. I've met some nice people here, people are more laid back than I usually find them to be at these places. I used to think the resort flex was overrated, but I guess the key thing to remember is, most of the clothes are already off (yours and hers), so all that's left to discover is a function of personality; that either works in your favour or against you.
So if you're single, dance on, you might find the one, and your bed is made for you, so no fear of bringing her back to your crib and remembering you left your porno dvds on the floor by your bed (there are no dvd players in this place anyway). However, if you are in a relationship (and want to stay in one), please heed these words: Bring your girlfriend. You'll end up missing her more than you thought you would, and long distance calls aint cheap. Plus calling cards are a scam, you get half the minutes you pay for. But worst of all, even when you're having a better time than you expected, with everything you do here, you take a moment to reflect on how much nicer it would be if she was doing it with you. Maybe I'm just in the honeymoon phase and that's why this is so hard, but why patronize myself? This trip really would taste better with some Cheeni.
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Jamaica Day 6 - Aaaaction!
Today I went ATV driving. Driving a used Honda Civic makes you forget what kind of elements a 4-wheel drive automobile with shocks can do. I was quite timid at first, well not entirely. I still took the fast bike, because really why wouldn't I? But I was a bit scared taking corners in the practice pit. I started to reflect on riding a bike as a kid, how I lived for a skinned knee as long as I could pull off a wheely. The trip uphill was a bit boring because I was stuck behind a real slouch. On the way back down one of our instructors gave us some leeway and I tore through some serious dirt with my brother. ATV's at full throttle are quite a thrill. It really is a lot of fun, beats the hell out of go-karting.
After that was the cliff jumping. See the pictures attached to this note - they speak for themselves. My advice: Plan your dive before you dive; a spiral is not something you just throw in, as the result may be a 20 ft bellyflop. My body is currently half-red. My mosquito bites and any skin blemishes are inflamed all up my left side. It feels like someone ironed their pants on me. The pain makes the laughter not at all worth it. I think my body has suffered its last bellyflop. This was truly unsafe. I made an excellent dive afterwards, I'll attach that photo as well. Perfect form, mind the gut.
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Interlude - A Beach Meditation at Night
Do the stars make you feel significant or insignificant? When you look into the vast sky with millions of stars, some shining brighter than others are you reminded that you are only one in a trillion, a spec, grossly irrelevant, and galactically ineffectual? Or have you successfully romanticized your existence with self-reverent qualities such as uniqueness, speciality, fortune and individuality?
Do the stars make you feel significant or insignificant? When you see them on stage, behind the silver screen or behind the podium, are you reminded that people love and hate them in large numbers, much larger than they do you? Do you remember that they have billions of followers and dissenters, each moving to the cadence of their drums? That they strike against the very pulse of human activity at their own whim - the truest expression of humanity - whilst you wait for the signal and move, to or fro, depending on your current disposition, with or against the current of their expression? Or have you successfully confused your disposition with position?
Do you feel as though your expression of disagreement is any more relevant than someone else's expression of agreement, when both are but a reaction to a cause, an event, a moment, - a star's moment - worth recording, unlike your opinion?
Are you sure that you have ever drank from the nectar of choice? Or might every sip so far have come from concentrate, or rather after concentration; sullied with preservatives, or rather, hopes of preservation?
Or do the stars no longer move you? Fear not, for an immovable object IS an immeasurable force. Might it be the case that all of those stars are waiting, looking to their own skies, curiously watching out for you? Perhaps the stars which shine brightest do so for you to see them first? They call out to you, for you. Will you listen, and shine back, like a puppy, obedient? Will you ignore, and dim your lights, like a kitty, shy?
Or, were you never really waiting for other stars to shine?
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Day 7 - Early Discharge, in Spirit
Last night I received notice that no investigation was ever formed about the mp3 player and speaker that was stolen from my room. Today I received the insurance claim form, irrelevant as we did not buy insurance (it would have cost more than the mp3 player). The part that bugs me is that the form reads, almost spitefully, 'Please note that this letter is not a confirmation of items lost.'
All-in-all, I would not recommend the Riu Grande Ocho Rios. My obvious reason for bias notwithstanding, I've been to better resorts with MUCH better beaches. The sand soccer pitch was well appreciated although.
Today was a pathetic fallacy of my overall discontent with the resort. I finally got jerk pork, it was burnt. I took a last dip in the sea, thunderstorm. We finally booked one of the restaurants for dinner successfully, unarguably the worst asian food I have ever tasted in life, a blessing in disguise as I am plump from this vacation.
I slept a lot today. That end-of-vacation fatigue came a day early. Better than a day late. I'm a little excited and scared about getting back to work. Full-time life is not easy getting re-adjusted to.
Anything else I say would either be dribble or baggage, so thanks for reading and enjoy the pictures!!
Oh yea, and I found out the meaning for honeymoon. Though it has no official etymology, the term is supposed to reflect that the first month (lunar, hence moon) in a relationship is the sweetest. Previously newlyweds would visit relatives who could not make the wedding in the first month of matrimony, but I guess eventually people got tired of this tradition. I guess the men more concerned with 'striking the iron while it was still hot,' as it were.
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