I can't remember any of the words you said to me back then, it was so long ago. It was maybe 15 years ago I remember laying in my bed, asleep, recapitulating the events of our last lifetime together. Flashbacks of the love that only you and I can remember. You were so beautiful then, I bet you still are. I was younger than I am now, but older than I was when I had this dream.
The day we met I remember there were no words. Words would have put waste to the emotions that were welling up inside. Words are great for putting away the fears that all animals have: Why are you here? Why are you looking at me? Are you kind? Are you going to hurt me? Do you know how to help me? Will you stay with me? When I saw you walking towards me all of those questions were somehow already answered; so why use words to convince myself further? There was no hello, the only hint you gave me was when you stopped very close to me to let me know that you did in fact notice me. I was quite sure that someone as beautiful as you would either be on her way to something or someone else, but you weren't. Thanks for that, it's all I needed. I tried to look you in the eyes, I felt as though I at least owe you this gesture in return for yours, but I couldn't. The sky opened and the sun poured in from behind you. As your frontside began to silhouette, your hair shined with a certain radiance that I couldn't ignore. I peered outwards behind you towards your left cheek and for a moment caught a glimpse of the horizon peering out from behind the acres of tallgrass. It was at this moment that I realized the sky has finally reached down to meet the ground. The horizon was now not a mundane academic concept but rather an analogy for this moment of truth, the day we met.
We met again a few nights later. Laying again in my bed, face up, looking at an ever-puzzling pattern on my ceiling that looked like a face when I opened only my right eye and looked like a dog when I opened them both, I near fell asleep with the lights on. My eyes closed and opened fighting to solve the optical illusion. Once more my eyes closed and opened and there we were, walking along the shore of the stream. Again you had no words for me, but this time that was not a comforting thought. Your head down as you paced along the shore with me hovering over your left shoulder, you wouldn't look at me, I wouldn't have the opportunity or desire to be distracted by the sun that was extremely hot this day. Perfect for the lilacs on the other side of the pond but hardly the weather for our discussion. It's been so long now, maybe a few months even. We've talked about it, which maybe is the problem to begin with. I can't wait any longer, even though I told you I would wait an eternity for you. I meant it when I said it, I really did, but I forgot what an eternity feels like. That's really the difference between us, you know. You keep fighting for eternity and I keep fighting for now. I didn't know how else to convince you that we were meant for each other so I made all sorts of promises about being there for you no matter what, no matter when. Now you want all of those promises even more than you want me.
All I ever wanted was you. You didn't have too promise me anything, so you didn't. Now I want confirmation. I'm a man so I demand it, because that's easier than asking for it. Nope, I won't take no for an answer, because a no would absolutely destroy me. I need you to do this for me, for us. You owe it to me and I want it so bad. If you and I are really a couple than you'll do it. It doesn't matter what your parents told you or what your friends might think, it's natural.
Still hovering over your shoulders with all these demands one can imagine why you just want to walk away. It hurts you, every demand makes you question who this monster is beside you. This isn't the man you saw leaning confidently at work that afternoon in the field of tallgrass, peering out northwards with his chin held high as though perched up against his achievements. This man beside you is groveling! What's worse is he's either too proud or too ashamed (if there's a difference) to admit that he's begging. If he can change so quickly how could you possibly see yourself with him for your whole life?
Once again, she lets me into her life simply by stopping. Thank goodness there was a small bench here by the pond for all of the older folk who like to feed the ducks. We've decided to talk things through.
I didn't mean to pressure you. You're right, I guess. We have all the time in the world. Who cares if today is the day or tomorrow or next week. Irony is, I guess the only reason why I want this to happen now is it'll make me feel like we have an eternity together too. See, I always figure that you're doing something or you're doing nothing. And see, if we're doing nothing than maybe that means our relationship has stopped. Maybe we aren't really together like I wanted. But, if we did this then I would know for sure we're a couple, a mighty fine one.
The beauty of the sky is her formlessness. All the ideas people come up with as they stare up at her, day and night. She knows it's hard for us to make up such ideas out of nothing so she gives us clouds and stars to hang our ideas against while we turn them into words. Nonetheless, everything that is beautiful about our maiden the sky is intangible. The ground, on the other hand, is a very pragmatic fellow. His allure stems from his strength, his size, and the beauty of forms that exist against his landscape. Valleys, mountains, forests, fields and man made contraptions are awesome because of their forms. The beauty of the ground is tangible.
Here we are again finding each other at the horizon. Sometimes words are a waste but they're the best we've got, us men. You can appreciate that. I was just being honest earlier when I told you about how I felt. Maybe you didn't even really listen to the words; you hardly do ever care about form. But you definitely felt my honesty - honesty is tangible too. You looked up at my eyes and saw that they were always looking at yours, even when you had them turned away from me. Sitting there on the bench looking at me, seeing that nothing else matters to me but you, convinced you more than my words ever could. I can spend an eternity or more with you and only you, all you have to do is remind me now and again that you're still here, as I tend to forget. All of a sudden a feeling welled up within you that is very familiar to me. A feeling to express everything you feel for me without words. We stood up from our bench of understanding and your eyes looked up at mine and then forwards towards my chest. My eyes followed yours downwards and as I stroked the back of your right ear I knew that in spite of my prior forcefulness you were now ready to joyfully submit. Today you were ready to give me everything I asked for. And you did. Right there, beside the pond, as the sun reached down and gently glazed against the ripples in the water, I leaned in towards you and gave me the kiss I always wanted and would never forget.
Someone must have turned off my light as I was asleep because I woke up that morning to the soft ray of light that entered my room at daybreak, better rested than I ever had been before. I had no words for myself that morning. I opened my window to peek my head outside as I often liked to do. As I took a deep breath in I heard you whisper to me through the sky that you would come find me in this life, and that I should have things ready for you when you did. The other day I found myself leaning confidently at work, filled with memories from you and words for you, peering out at the horizon. And just then I think I saw you.
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