After this, I promise to do the dishes, I've been distracted all night. But I just got hit with a thought. It seems more bitter than it should be, because it's another far-reaching generalization of girls, but just implore me.
So I had this friend in elementary school Kerri. She used to be a crazy tomboy, getting into fights and swearing like a bad rapper all the time. Anyway, at the young age of probably 11 or so at the time, she happened to also be a commander of social dynamics. After the epidemic of coodies passes over, the golden rule between boys and girls is, "Never hit a girl.... In fact, just never touch them unless they ask." Kerri knew this rule all to well, and exploited it quite nicely.
While the boys would play redass Kerri would disrupt the game, catch the ball and throw it on the roof or somewhere to piss us off. Every guy would be pissed off and enter a swearing competition with her, and she always won. I found no fruit in this, so I would pretty much do nothing and accept that recess was ruined yet again. I think she noticed that her aggression left me unphased, and so she stepped it up with me. So, what Kerri would do is, for about a week, she would bring with her a legion of girls from our grade, and once again grab our tennis balls and roof them. Then, she would come up to me and go, "What're you gonna do about it Jamil?" and then push me or slap me, knowing full well that I couldn't hit a girl. In fact, sometimes she would say, "What're you going to do Jamil? Hit a girl?" followed by a push; absolute genius. She built enough rage in me during that week that almost 10 years later I still remember it, and the situation was very empowering for her, knowing that she had a new tool at her disposal. Why do I mention this?
Girls today are no different. Although, now it has become fashionable to smack a ho when she gets out of line, just so that she understands that your pimp hand is strong! The new tool for girls is physical attraction.
It's a matter of maturity for a man to be able to have a non-sexual relationship with a woman he's attracted to. If a man likes a girl, but the feelings aren't mutual, he should understand that in order for a healthy friendship to ensue, he will have to quit making sexual advances towards the girl, direct or indirect, because it will be uncomfortable for her. It's not as though the girl immediately should have control of the direction of the friendship, it's just a matter of integration. Comfortable relationships depend upon comfortable participants. If a straight guy were to be friends with a gay man, homophobic or not, the straight guy would eventually either consider the gay man's routine sexual advances to be frustrating, disconcerting or simply tiresome. This causes strain on the friendship.
A few girls use this as leverage, and it's completely unfair. As the days pass by, they fish for compliments about their physique, they make ambiguous suggestive remarks about their feelings for you and wear ridiculously attractive clothing around you, for seemingly no reason. Hair tossing, eye-batting, weak knees and pouty lips, adjustable bras and ass-hugging pants; the whole song and dance gets thrown at men in their friendships and work relationships with the opposite sex. If a man so much as responds to any of the elements of this routine, these girls in question - those girls who wish to exploit their tools - are the first to remind the guy that his level of maturity is on the line. But a man's willingness to respond to this routine is not a matter of maturity, it's a matter of physiology.
So we've now reached the contradiction that plagues man. First, I said that a man's ability to withstand his sexual urges during a friendship was a matter of maturity. A bit later, i said that his willingness to respond to the girly routine isn't a matter of maturity, but rather one of a physical nature. Contradiction causes confusion, confusion causes stress. How shall mankind transcend this female trap of sensations and temptation?
When Kerri would push me, I would simply walk into her pushes and slaps, and carry on with my reccess. After about a week of her realising that I was physically unphased by her assault, she gave up, and we resumed our regular friendship. I think she respected me more, in fact. I don't know if I'm strong enough to use the same technique anymore. If I turn away from the seduction of one exploitive girl, I am at the same time turning directly into the seductive path of another. Too many hoes are bitches. So I'm not sure how to save mankind on this one. Chinese philosophy is all about transcendence, so I recommend guys read the Tao de Ching for guidance, or maybe if the guys want to make a more practical forceful attack on the female army, I recommend Go Rin No Sho - the book of five rings; always use your short sword in close combat.
For me, I have one request for every girl who knows full-well that I'm sexually attracted to her. In the 90s, and probably still today, the company Brooks used to make horribly unnattractive sweats - like they were just unfashionably baggy and dull. I humbly request that each of you buy a pair or two of these Brooks sweatsuits, and wear them whenever we are scheduled to meet. You've all spent twice the amount of money buying clothing to piss me off, the least you can do is buy this for me to give me some peace!
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